Joe
6:43pm
"I don't know what to do dad" I said over the phone like a kid throwing a tantrum about something stupid.
"She's acting all bitchy and--" I said but dad interrupted me
"I don't think that's a nice word Joe. How about this, you keep staying with her but tell her you wont get in the way." He explained
"What? How? How can I help her then?"
"Don't be such a dick Joe. She needs to know someone's there for her. Just stay with her, tell her you wont show up until she calls your name."
"Alright then, see you dad."
"Bye."
I threw my phone on the bed and went downstairs. Before entering the living room, I stopped. Alan approached me and walked between my feet.
"Zoe. Can I come in?" I asked looking down the floor
"Yeah." She said as I heard her have a good ol' sniff and I saw her wipe her tears with her jumper as well. How much more can she cry good lord this is killing me.
"Joe, I'm sorry of what I said earlier I dont know how to explain myself but Alfie... Alfie told me he can't let you see him or anyone else and I was so confused and I.. I dont know what to do anymore.." She said as she started to cry again.
I sat beside her and decided not to face her. Ah fuck. If I look at her being like that I might cry as well. Instead I faced forward as she was facing me. I had my elbows in my knees and I was playing with my fingers.
"Zo. I understand-- i mean.. I actually dont. What I mean is, I dont understand the whole thing but I understand you want to be alone.. You know, with Alfie.. Or like by yourself.. Point is erm.. I wont leave, even if you yell at me to get lost. I'll stay. Its what I need to do, what I want to do. But I wont trouble you, you wont see me. Just call me when you need me. Okay?" I said without any interruptions. As I said my last word I looked at her and she gave me a nod. Phew. I stood up and headed upstairs.
Honestly, I think this is the best idea. You know, without Zoe constantly shouting at me and actually still living my life. I grabbed my phone and then plopped myself on the bed on their spare room. Where I'm going to stay for a couple of weeks. I opened Twitter and began to type my tweet
@Joe_Sugg Staying at Zalfie's for a cou--- *erase*
@Joe_Sugg Staying at Zoe's for a couple of weeks. I will still be making videos but not gonna be vlogging for a while :)
I pressed tweet, refreshed it and saw the comments below. Some where understanding, some where bummbed out for no vlogs, some where heartbroken I called it "Zoe's" and not "Zalfie's" and some where being nice and asking if Zoe's okay. I sighed and threw ny phone on the pillow and closed my eyes.
It's been hard making a video since the accident. I didn't want to make videos but I had to because my subscribers are asking for videos because some of them aren't understanding about the situation at all. It's like this right, if I post a bloody video, it's because people want it. But when I do, every comment in the comment section is like "How could you be so happy after Alfie has died. Everyone is suffering but you post a video like nothing ever happened blah blah blah". Also, I haven't vlogged since then. I dont want to. I can't. My last vlog wasnt posted, hasn't been edited. It was the night of the party, the night everything was doing great but went all wrong, the night of the accident. This vlog wont and never will be posted. I swear everyone else's vlog of the same day didn't make it to the internet.
