Happy Hour

Crack time

Describing his teacher to his mother, Jimmy called her "mean but fair."

"Just what do you mean by that?" – his mother asked.

"She is mean to everybody." – Jimmy replied.

Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.

School Secretary: Who is this?

Pupil: This is my father speaking!

Mother: How do you like your new teacher?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

Son: I can't go to school today.

Father: Why not?

Son: I don't feel well

Father: Where don't you feel well?

Son: In school!

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?

Pupil: Not very much!

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear it is," insisted Johnny. "I had to smear it with honey, but I finally got him to eat it."

What would happen if you took the school bus home?

The police would make you bring it back!

A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test!

Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!

The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said.... "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades..... somebody is going to get a spanking..."

Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?

Pupil: I get up early!

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."

Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?

Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there!

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write – and they won't let me talk!"

Teacher: "Isn't it remarkable how quickly the kids learn to drive the car?"

Parent: "Yes, especially considering how slowly they catch on to running the lawnmower and vacuum cleaner."