Shades of Purple

Mirror Mirror

Writing that song that no one would ever see made me feel a little better. However, it also got me thinking and dwelling on the situation, a lot. With each passing day, each passing hour... I got angrier and more bitter. I finally decided to write my feelings down again, in the form of a letter, as if I actually planned to send it.

Kunzite,

It's me. This won't be happening anymore. You hear me? I'm done being that girl who sits around endlessly, hoping you decide to make time to come and see me. I'm done biting my tongue every time you say something nasty to me, and I'm done putting up with you treating me like I'm nothing to you. What even happened to you, anyway? One day you're loving and kind, and the next you're a complete prick who I want to punch in the face. Repeatedly. We won't be doing this anymore. Tentative Sunday nights don't cut it anymore. You will treat me like a princess, because guess what? I AM a princess! If that's something you don't want to do, then fine. You can go find someone else who doesn't mind lying in bed and staring at her ceiling all day hoping you'll show up, but it won't be me!

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Night fell. Sitting in my room, I was so mad that not even the troubadour's music outside my window could cool me down.

Mercury knocked on my door, snapping me out of my angry trance.

"Yeah, what?"

"It's Kunzite... he's here to see you."

This shocked me. "Really? Are you sure?"

"That's what he said. He's waiting in the foyer."

"All right. I'll be down in a minute."

I crumbled up the letter and threw it away. It was my way to vent; I didn't want him to actually ever see it.

Making my way down the stairs, I entered the foyer, which was much quieter without the sound of the troubadour playing. It was just me and Kunzite in there.

"I didn't know you were coming today," I repeated that familiar line that he said so often to me.

"I needed to see you."

"What for?"

He looked away and was dead quiet for several long moments. The silence drove me crazy.

"Okay, what?" I finally blurted out. "You travelled all the way here. You wanted to see me. What do you have to say to me?"

After another pause he finally said, "I just needed to see you one more time."

"One more time before what?"

Silence.

"Answer me!"

"I should go."

I was fuming and finally went off. "No! No more of this cryptic, hostile, shallow BS! I've kept quiet and gone along with your stupid game, but I'm not doing this anymore! You're gonna tell me what the HELL your problem is, why you've been acting this way, and what in the world I did to make you so upset with me!"

This infuriated him. I'd never seen him look at me that way before.

"Can you possibly be any more selfish?! Do you have the slightest clue what we have been through the past couple months? You've never trained an army for war. You have NO idea what it's like. Our prince is completely convinced that our kingdom will be attacked. Do you know what that means? Many of us will likely die. We could all die. Have you even thought about the kind of pressure that puts on us?!"

He had a point, I guess. I hadn't really thought about it that much. But I was too angry in the moment to consider that. It didn't excuse his actions. I kept pushing my case.

"I don't care if it's the war of the worlds! You don't treat your girlfriend like garbage! Do you have any idea how you've made me feel? I refuse to go on being treated this way!"

"Then don't."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm done here, Venus. You're on your own. I have a kingdom to protect."

He turned away and slammed the door behind him.

I have to say... as much as I anticipated this breakup... the reality of it hit me harder than I could've ever imagined.

When I finally broke out of my paralysis of just standing there staring at the door, I started slowly making my way back to my room, letting everything sink in.

The troubadour moved inside and was now quietly playing the piano. My body was shaking and a million thoughts were running through my head. As right as I felt in the moment while we were fighting... with each passing second thereafter, I realized how wrong I was. Or might have been. I don't even know anymore. But my second guesses taunted me.

He made a valid point that I chose to ignore. If only I had listened... understood where he was coming from... apologized...

Why don't I think before I speak? I should have listened to that voice inside me.

Why did I let you walk away? When all I had to do was say I'm sorry. I let my pride get in the way, and in the heat of the moment I was to blame...

I walked past one of the reading rooms, where the vase in the middle of the coffee table contained all the roses he had ever given me. Flashbacks ran through my head. Memories of the good times. Oh, how I missed those times...

I finally got to my room, saying to myself over and over, "I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mind, to say the kind of things I said tonight."

I could still hear the faint piano playing from my room even with the door closed. I stopped in front of the long mirror on my wall, turned and looked into it. Stared at the shame in my face. Wished that I was looking at two of us.

Listening to the music, I began to cry out, "Mirror mirror hanging on the wall, you don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all..."

I put my hands on the mirror and suddenly broke down sobbing. "Mirror mirror I wish you could lie to me, and bring my lover back, bring my lover back... to me."

I pounded the mirror with my fist and fell to the ground; now reflecting a soaking wet face and makeup running down. I didn't care who was right and wrong anymore. I just wanted him back. The old him.

I continued to whisper, over and over...

"Mirror mirror lie to me... show me what I wanna see... mirror mirror lie to me..."