My Crooked Perfection

Do you ever just...?

So I was sitting under this tree, ontop of this hill, over looking the ocean, staring. I wasn't thinking, because if I did I'd loose it. I'd over think everything, so i kind of just let the cold numb my brain, and my thoughts, and my toes and fingertips. It was around forty degrees, in the sunlight, and I'd left my sweater and coat at school.

I thought i heard something, but i didn't turn to look.

I thought i felt someone, but i didn't turn to look.

"The whole town is looking for you," The voice was distantly familiar, but I could hardly hear it, as if as the body was far away.

But it wasn't far away. I could feel the heat of someone else on my leg. I closed my eyes for a second, the tears were starting to sting the back of my eyes, but i still fought them.

"I brought you dinner,"

I opened my eyes and looked into the face of Alex Mitchel. "Why?"

He shrugged, opening up a white Styrofoam tray and pushed it into my lap. It was pancakes from the 24 hour diner on Mainstreet. 

"I've called my sister 147 times," I told Alex. "She didn't answer," 

Alex's face turned three shades whiter. "I..." He didn't finish. 

"When we were little and we both lived together, well, when we all lived together as a family, we'd come here," I smiled really bright, and i think it scared Alex because he kind of recoiled. "She used to tell me stories about people who sailed here on big wooden ships. She always read from a book, and i always thought it was a fairy tale book, but it wasn't. It was a text book." I laughed in amazement. "She could make a text book so interesting that it would keep a young child's attention. Isn't that wonderful?" I smiled again, remembering how her eyes lit up when she told me the stories. 

"She sounds amazing," Alex said, smiling along with me. "Casey, it's okay to cry. You know that, right?" 

My eyes flooded with tears. "I called my sister... 147 times today..." I sobbed out. Alex was immediately pulling me into him, shrugging off his jacket and draping it around my shoulders. "She didn't answer. Not even once," 

And believe me, I whaled. I cried so hard. I don't cry very much. I don't show too much different emotions. But let me tell you, I sobbed until my throat was throbbing. I cried until I couldn't any more. 

"She died in a car accident," I finally said. I was long past falling silent, the sun was long past setting. The moon was set above us, and i was listening to the waves lap at the shore. "Everything was incinerated. There's nothing left to bury. Not that i could've afforded to have a funeral for her, but..." I wanted to cry. But i couldn't.

My voice sounded like i smoked three packs a day. Alex was sitting in front of me, and i was sitting with my back against the tree, staring up at the starless night sky. It looked like it was about to rain soon.

"I can help you put together a memorial service, if you want," I heard thunder crackle over us. "Come on, we've gotta get out of here," 

"I'll just stay here. You go on," I looked up at Alex, and i attempted a smile. "I'll be okay," 

"You're insane if you think I'm leaving you here," I shrugged. 

"So be it," Alex sighed and got to his feet. He grabbed my purse, then he put his arm around my waist, pulling me forcibly to my feet, but i couldn't stand really well, even if i was trying. My legs felt like jelly under me. 

Alex balanced me with no problem, and once he'd picked up the styrofoam tray that contained an untouched pancake, he gathered my knees to him and started carrying me. "I thought i told you I wanted to stay up there," 

"and I told you no. You'd get struck by lightning," 

"That's not a bad thing," I countered, struggling against his grasp, but he just tightened his arms around me. 

"Think what you want," We walked all the way down the hill, and there was  a Hummer parked at the bottom. He unlocked the door on his keypad and he laid me down in the backseat. He shut the door and entered in the driver's side. 

I heard him start the car, and i felt it start moving, but i was still back on top of the cliff, under the tree. I was still me, but a different me. The young, trouble free Casey. 

And i wished with all my heart and soul that that's where i could stay. 

Ignorant, blissful, joyous. 

But the reason that children are such things is because they don't bare the burden of reality. Their imagination overrides the truth and makes it harder to fall. 

I'm too caught up in reality to be distracted by my imagination. Reality is big, and it's screaming at me.