Liam's Pain

Chapter 7: Put down the razor

"Its Gotta Be You" It just keeps replaying over and over in my head. He said that, he did. But I know hell never love me like I want him to. Im an outcast. I would never be good enough for him.

WARNING: This chapter will be graphic. So young children may not want to read.

Breas POV

    Im in my bathroom, laying on the cold hard ground. Thinking of self harm again. I dont want to be hurt or mistreated like in my past. Why did Liam have to say that? I want to so bad. I can feel it. I cant explain what it does for me but its like trying to explain the taste of water. Or the color of air. I reach for a new one. A razor of some sort doesnt matter. I have mulitpule ones lying around. I lift up my sleeve. I see all the past scars. All the hurt all the pain thats been washed away from my past. My scars wont tell you anything but theyre all my stories. My personal past expierences I felt I couldnt deal with. I go to put the razor to my skin and theres a knock on my bathroom door.

"Brea, Hello are you okay?" Its Niall. "Will you talk to me? Liam wasnt trying to hurt you at all. He likes you alot. What he says he means Sis."  I just look at the door, thank god its locked. "Im fine really please just leave me alone.Go away."   i say. "Im worried though. I need to know your not going to anything stupid. Do you want me to have Liam talk to you?" "NOOOOO, Just tell him Im not feeling well." I say. Then I hear foot steps and the door close he left. 

  Now I can be alone and start to feel better maybe release some of this pressure. I line the razor up    with new spots on my arm this time its lower down in the middle of my arm. I start to press and swipe quickly. I love the feeling of paper cuts. But these are made with razors. Then I start on the deeper cuts. The wounds that will leave scars. The ones that feel so good. I get a light headed dizzy feeling from them. Sometimes I dont want to stop myself. Im feeling better like I could just drift away from this place. I really cant face my feelings. Thats when I hear another knock. I jump. "What Niall?! What do you want?" I kind of yell. "Its me Liam can I come in? Are you okay? Im sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I care for you I promise.. My feelings are pure. Can I just please come in?"  Liam asks.

  I hurry up and hid the razor in my drawer and wipe some of the blood off that I can. I pull my sleeve down to cover the evidence. I sit back down and unlock the door. I slide my head into my knees and wait for him to come in. Liam enters and sits next to me. He looks at me with passionate eyes. Why does he have to like me? Why cant I just have a crush and eventually get over it. Liam looks at me and asks if Im alright. I say "Im fine. Ill be okay, just go down stairs."  The tears start again. I cant control them. Liam grabs me and pulls me into his lap. He lays my head on his shoulder and starts to confort me. He moves the hair away from my forehead and kisses it. Then he looks down. Oh no. I need to get up I need to get away. The new cuts are bleeding alot and its starting to seep threw my clothing. Liam grabs me and holds me and wont let me go. 

  "Did I make you do that? Is that how you feel? Im so sorry. How long have you done this for? I really dont want you to ever hurt yourself again Brea. Do you hear me? I care for you and I dont know what Id do if I lost you. How many cuts do you have? Lets get you cleaned up."  Liam goes on.

We get up and clean my new cuts he bandages them and holds me in his lap once again. He  looks at me and kisses my bandages. "Id kiss them for as many times as youve hurt yourself. I dont want you to ever do that again. Instead kiss me." I look up at him still silently sobbing and see the pain in his eyes. How could I have done this to him. How could I have put myself threw this to just be hurting him to. He then kisses me.. Im breathless. His lips are so soft and tender hes trying not to hurt me. I kiss him back with everything I have. It makes me feel warm and cozy. He makes me feel safe. 

 I feel like I can trust him so maybe I can tell him my story. All of it. " I used to do bad things to myself. I still do when I dont know how to feel. Or when I dont want to feel. Ive cut for a while. Ever though Im the pretty girl everyone thinks life is perfect for me its not. Ive had my share of broken hearts and Ive had people try to tear me down just because Im not like them. I dont want to sit with the popular stuck up snobs. I dont want people to know about my scars. There like my secerts. I try to help everyone I can. I treat everyone the same. Its so hard growing up with Niall as my male figure in my life since my dads always gone. Once Niall leaves I dont know what Ill do."  Liam is such a good listener hes just sitting there and letting me go on about all my problems. I just sob into his shoulder. Liam then clears his throat "Brea I dont want you to worry about that anymore. I dont want you to think of yourself in any other way other than beautiful. I want you to know Im here and Im not leaving. Ill be here threw the thick and thin. You seen me when I was invisible and Im not letting you go. Ever."  Liam tells me he wrote something that he thinks relates to me, then he starts to sing.

   This is the last night you'll spend alone

 Look me in the eyes so I know you know

  I'm everywhere you want me to be

 The last night you'll spend alone

 I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go

I'm everything You need me to be

Its everything Ive ever wanted to hear from someone. I think I finally found someone who understands me. He kisses me on the forehead again before he contines. 

I'm so sick of when they say

It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine

But I know it's a lie

When hes done, I just look up at him and smile. He understands everything Im going through. Im not sure how but he does. He quietly rocks me back and forth for a while till I fall asleep.

Liams POV

Breas asleep now so I gently tuck her into bed and lay a kiss on her forhead. I leave a note with my number tell her to text me when she wakes. This girl has the same feelings for me that I have for her. I almost let her go. How stupid Am I? Atleast she knows now. I wont let anyone hurt her including myself. Ill do all I can for her. Im gonna make sure she stays happy because it makes me happy. Shes all I care about. Ill let her know little by little but for now Ill let her sleep.

I go down stairs to where the guys are. "Is she okay?" Niall asks. I say shes fine just fell asleep. I tell them Im going to take off for the night need to clean my head a little. Ill return Nialls clothes after I washed them. Im in my car parking along the road to go inside my flat. My phone chimes. Its a text "Thank you. -B"

Thank you to everyone who keeps reading my fan fic. Its means alot. Let me know what you think. Ill do my next chapter after someone comments and I get atleast 3 votes on this chapter (: Obv I used the lyrics from "The Last night" by Skillet.

Let me know what music you guys like? Do you ever feel like self harming yourself?. Im hear to listen no judgement. And If anyone needs help dont be afraid to send me a mesage. <3 Skyxx