Loop

4

He shuts his eyes as soon as he opens them, nearly blinded by the sunlight streaming through his window. It's daytime. Why is it daytime?

He turns to see Maine, her brown hair bunched up in a high bun, arms crossed, an angry expression on her sunburned face.

"Maine?"

She turns away from him, her jaw set.

What did I do?

"That's the problem," she seethes through clenched teeth. Apparently he had said his thought out loud. She turns to face him, her eyes red from crying. "You really don't know what you just did. Seriously, hon, how could you? This was important to us!"

What did I do? What happened?

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. It is all he can think of saying.

"Sorry? This was our anniversary, hon," she snaps. "Sobrang saya na natin sa Bora, then one call -- just one f*cking call from the boss, and..." She lets out a loud exhale and slumps her shoulders. "God, why do I even bother? It's never going to change. Palagi nalang," she adds bitterly.

He glances down, instinctively looking for her charm bracelet. Dangling from it are four hearts, a crescent moon, and now a starfish. No snowflake. That was a good sign...for now.

"It was bad enough wala ka last Christmas because they said they needed you to run ops," she continues, her voice dripping with disappointment. "Then wala ka sa birthday ko. Every birthday mo naman, nasa office tayo nag-ce-celebrate. Pero anniv natin ito, eh!"

"I'm really sorry, Maine." He inexplicably finds himself panicking. He may not know much, but he knows enough to admit that he does not want to lose her. Not even in a dream.

"Seven days in Bora cut down to two, and this is not the first time. Hindi ko na kaya, hon. I'm sorry." Tears start to fall from her eyes as she hugs herself even tighter.

"Maine, what can I do to make it up to you?" he pleads. "Gusto mo Hong Kong? Singapore? Next week punta tayo?"

She shakes her head and looks away. "Wag na, RJ. Ang tagal mo mag-field, tapos pag-uwi mo, puro ka naman meeting. Ang mga monthsary natin, puro dinner sa airport nalang. Hindi na nga kita nakikita, tapos itong Bora, naudlot pa."

"Maine..."

"Ako palagi ang umiintindi. Ako palagi ang naghihintay. Nakakapagod na, RJ."

"Maine, what are you saying?" He feels a dark mass grow in the pit of his stomach.

Moments pass before she lets out a defeated sigh.

"Maybe four years is enough for us."

A cold dread coats his heart. "No, Maine. Wag mong sabihin yan."

"All I ever needed was some of your time, but even that, I'll never really have." She looks straight ahead, avoiding his gaze. "Between me and your work, we all know who you really love."

At a loss for words, he resorts to telling her what he always tells his father. "You know I work this hard for us."

"That's assuming there's still an 'us' to work for," she muses quietly. "RJ, maybe...I've given too much of myself na rin. Maybe our friends are right. Maybe I need to do something for myself now. See the world -- the actual world-- and not make you my world, you know?"

The lights begin to flicker again. The plane begins to shudder. His fear morphs into panic.

Light.

Dark.

Light.

Dark.

He does not open his eyes when the light comes back on. The pain in his heart already tells him she is gone.