Loop

3

Another bump, and he inhales sharply. The sweet scent of lemon and vanilla greets his nostrils. Surprised, he opens his eyes and sees that the brown-haired girl is asleep in the seat beside him, her head nuzzled into a grey neck pillow. As he studies her face, he realizes that there is something different this time. She looks older somehow and a tad more sophisticated. Gone are the jeans and hoodie, now replaced with immaculate slacks and an expensive-looking sweater.

Another dream. He groans, frustrated at his past attempts to piece the flimsy scenes together into something he could actually understand.

He exhales, stopping himself from kissing the top of her head. He is as confused as before, but she is asleep, so thankfully there is no need for conversation this time.

Maybe this dream would just pass uneventfully, he thinks. Maybe I'll wake up after this.

I hope I wake up after this.

He opens the book on his lap, rubs his eyes, and skims through the new chapter. Multiverses, string theory, parallel occurrences, quantum leaps-- why was this even mandatory reading for all team leaders in the company? He groans at the mathematical illustrations and equations that pepper the pages. How The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea even became a New York Times bestseller will always be beyond him. After all, the Japanese physicist who wrote the book insists that there are at least ten other universes that co-exist with the one we know. This meant that for each choice you made in the here and now, there are probably ten other universes that play out different scenarios of the choices that you didn't make.

Eleven universes?

He shakes his head in frustration. Bakit ba kasi ginawang required reading 'to for management? What did this book have to do with the airline industry? Well hijo, when you're old and eccentric and worth 35 billion pesos, you can recommend any book you damn want and everyone has to read them, his boss pointed out bluntly. If Miss Malu wasn't going to quiz him on it in a couple of days, he would've tossed the book into the trash bin a long time ago.

But Miss Malu, this is about universes and math...and choice. What has this got to do with expanding the brand and opening new markets?

Maybe the chairman knows something we don't, hijo.

Or maybe the rumors are true, ma'am. Maybe the old man is really crazy.

RJ, listen to me. You have more drive and discipline than any of these MBA frauds who work here. Remember what I told you the first day you came to work for me?

You said you saw the chairman in me.

True, RJ. The chairman went from errand boy to multibillionaire. He never even finished high school. That could be your path, too. I know you work harder than anyone else, and you're more driven than these Ateneo conyo boys you despise so much but there's still so much you don't know and you have to admit that. You say you want to be an executive? Then read what they read so you can think like one.

He shuts the book in frustration and peers at the dark sky outside the window. His boss was right, as usual. Now, the chairman wants us to learn about choice. He wants us to choose what matters. He may be crazy, hijo, but believe me when I say he is no fool.

He couldn't argue with his boss' logic. He leans back and studies the lackluster book cover, still trying to contemplate the implications of the chapters he's read so far. Ten other realities aside from your own. What does someone do with that kind of information? Well, if it were true, it meant one important thing to him personally: that in ten other timelines, his mother is with him, still very much alive and happy.

He swallows hard, trying to hold back a tear at the memory. He cracks open the book again and tries to read, but it is futile. The scent of lemon and vanilla continue to distract him.

This brown-haired girl sleeping beside him is Maine, that much he knows. She apparently means something to him, but for the life of him, he cannot understand why or how. He is alarmed at how familiar she seems right now, as if this scene had played itself over a thousand times before. This girl asleep, wearing only his shirt. This girl asleep beside him, her long legs splayed over his. But mostly this girl asleep, naked, with only his threadbare blanket covering a fraction of her body. He swallows hard as he realizes he not only knows this girl, he knows her intimately.

He inhales sharply and hastens to find something else to think about. He opts to study the charm bracelet on her right wrist and is surprised to see that it is now filled with small silver charms. There's the number 16 and the crescent moon charm he knows, but now, there's a starfish...a snowflake...and a heart. Make that four hearts.

He hears her whimper as she stirs, her eyes slowly opening to meet his.

"Hey, hon."

Hon. The word feels like home.

"Maine?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me about this." He traces a finger over the charms of her silver bracelet. If this was a dream, then he has nothing to lose by asking. He has to make sense of it all.

She rolls her eyes and looks annoyed. "Ugh. Ikaw kaya nagbigay nito lahat?"

"I just want to hear it from you," he lamely explains.

"You work too hard, hon. You keep forgetting things. Di na nakakatuwa."

"Please?"

She purses her lips and pretends to be irritated. "Fine," she begins, holding each charm between her fingers as she explains their stories. "This heart was your first anniversary gift to me. These other three hearts, mga anniv gifts din. This starfish is from that Boracay trip. Ugh, I don't even know why I still have this one."

"This number 16?" he prods.

"The day I met you."

"Itong moon?"

"I swear, RJ, hindi na nakakatuwa itong amnesia mo."

"Sige na."

"You seriously don't remember what the moon stands for?"

"Tell me."

She sits upright and playfully slaps his arm. "Coffee! You kept asking me out for coffee and you never stopped. Kulit mo nga, eh."

"So bakit nga moon?"

"It's where I fell in love with you."

The lights in the plane start to flicker again. "No," he mutters desperately. "Not yet." He needs to know more. He needs to know why she knows him so well. He needs to know a thousand other things in the next five seconds.

"Maine?" he asks his tone more urgent now. "Ang snowflake?"

Her smile disappears. "France. First time to see snow."

"And when was that?"

"When I left you."

The plane shudders. The passengers gasp in panic.

Dark and light.

Dark and light.

He blinks.

She is gone.