Forever in My Heart

Forever in My Heart Chapter 16

An hour had passed and I had managed to move from the lounge to my bedroom. I hid under the sheets trying to cry myself to sleep; I had pictured the day so differently. The sharp pain in my stomach was getting stronger and stronger, I could hardly move without flinching in pain. I don’t think I had ever been so sad in my life, holding onto my stomach constantly thinking about Isaac. How could he just walk out when I needed him the most, we had so much to talk about whether it was going to end good or not.

I must have fallen asleep for a while when I woke up with the agonising pain in my stomach again, in a panic I lifted the sheets off of my aching body and looked down at my legs. Covered in blood my heart began to race, I had no idea what was going on. The pain was so antagonising I could hardly breathe, tears streaming down my face I managed to make it into the bathroom, leaving a puddle of blood behind me. Crawled up on the floor I cried for help, hoping someone would hear me but I was alone and I was more than scared.

More blood began to dribble down my leg and stain the white floor and I was feeling extremely dizzy. Unable to stand let alone scream anymore, weak I rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes. Wishing the pain would go away and the baby would be okay, over and over again in my head praying Isaac would walk in and help me.

I noticed my face in the reflection of the door handle and could see my face as white as a ghost and the dark stain of blood dripping from my hands.  I sat in my puddle of blood for almost half an hour, slowly losing my eye sight with the extreme pain. Finally I heard the door slam and the sound of Isaac’s voice shouting from the hallway. I opened up my parched mouth but not even a whisper would come from my dry lips. I crawled across the floor and opened the bathroom door and pressed my weight against the door, opening and closing it again. I was trying to use everything I had in me to get his attention so he could find me and help me.

For a while there was nothing, not even the sound of footsteps just deathly silence. Then as I gently laid my head on the cold bathroom door, giving up all hope I could see two feet standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Nearly passed out my eyes fluttered and a slight smile appeared on my face, knowing Isaac was finally there.

All I could remember from that point was Isaac rushing to the floor and trying to pick me up, startled at the sight of blood surrounding me and the weakness in my eyes. Dragging me through my bedroom and through the hallway the ambulance soon pulled up before Aunt Iris and Uncle Johnny frantically trying to talk to me. Every word was an echo and everything I could see was a smudge, it was surreal and confusing. Not only was I losing my baby I was losing myself, I didn’t understand anything anymore.

After resting in the hospital bed I slowly woke up and fluttered my eyes at the bright light shining above my head. I could hear the painful beeping sound echo around the room and right beside me with his hand linked to mine Isaac was fast asleep. I smiled slightly and tears filled my eyes, the moment was bitter and something I would never want to experience again. I lost my baby, the one thing that would love me unconditionally, forever be a part of me and it was taken away from me. Life is selfish and when it has its moments it can take anything it wants to, but it’s up to you to regain strength and manage to show life what you can achieve, no matter what heartbreak you’ve had or traumatising experiences, life is what you make it.

I gently squeezed Isaac’s hand, waking him up. He rubbed his tired eyes and jumped at the sight of me staring back at him. He suffocated my hand with both of his and kissed me softly on the forehead, wiping the tear rolling down my flustered cheek.  I bit the inside of my lip, forcing myself to not cry and feel sorry for myself. He looked down and tried to think of a perfect sentence he could say, something that would take the pain away and bring back our baby, but there wasn’t ever going to be a word good enough to bring the happiness I had once had.

I swallowed my breath and sniffed, preparing myself to finally say something. Suddenly he stood up and anxiously walked up and down the room, scared to look my way.

“I’m sorry Aofie…I stressed you out…I hurt you.” He shouted nervously

I shook my head and tried to grab his attention, without ripping the tubes out of my hand and walking right over to him.

“Isaac…it’s not your fault!” I whispered, still trying to speak properly

Isaac suddenly turned and faced me, shocked I was talking to him. He suddenly crouched down next to me and grabbed my hands again.

“When I saw you…on the bathroom floor I thought I was going to lose you Aofie.” He cried

I smiled and kept out hands locked together. He took a deep breath and looked away.

“It broke my heart, just thinking about losing you Aofie. I’m never leaving you again, when you need me or when you hate me!” he laughed with tears streaming down his soft cheeks

Crying whilst laughing was a hard thing to do, especially in the situation I was in. But whenever I looked into his eyes I understood why I was smiling, it wasn’t because I was heartless and didn’t care. It’s because I still had a piece of my baby with me, I had Isaac. He quickly stood up and gently lay down next to me, wrapping his arms around me.  The sweet smell of his skin and the warmth of his body around me were better than any drug or bandage.

Aunt Iris soon pulled me back to reality and ordered Isaac out of the room. The sunny gaze was suddenly ripped from my eyes and I could see the harsh reality clearly with her presence. She limped around the room, pointing her walking stick in every direction. She suddenly stopped and turned to face me. I could tell she had been crying but it seemed like she had ran out and all that was left was pure fury.

“How could you be so stupid? Having sex with a dumb boy like Isaac.” She sighed

I tried to ignore everything she was saying but every word was sinking into my brain. I rubbed my eyes, confused to why she had decided to confront me now after everything.

“I love him Aunt Iris.” I mumbled

Aunt Iris laughed sarcastically and crossed her arms, “Aofie d’you really think he loves you? Before you arrived he was dating a different girl every other day!” she yelled

I rolled my eyes and due to exhaustion I didn’t dare make a move.

“He breaks hearts…that’s exactly what he’s done! He’s got you pregnant and…” she suddenly stopped and looked down.

I laughed and glared over at her, “And what…I lost my baby! How on earth could that be Isaac’s fault…please tell me!” I gasped

She shrugged her shoulders and pointed her finger over at the door, “He wouldn’t have wanted to keep it anyway…he’s a selfish teenager! You’re both too young for this serious crap!” she screamed

I clenched my fists in frustration, “I knew he would of…maybe he didn’t at first but he would of. It would have been perfect.” I sighed

Aunt Iris limped over to me and looked me up and down, “Child you’re kidding yourself! He’s had a lucky escape, and so have you!” she yelled

I felt sick at the sight of her, how could she say something so hurtful? It was anything but a lucky escape, it was a heartbreak, a stab in the heart not a lucky escape.

She stuttered and softened her tone, “I didn’t mean…”

I quickly cut her off, “What’s your problem? Is it the fact that you’ve never had kids, are you jealous? Or is it the fact that Uncle Johnny doesn’t love you, not even close to how much Isaac loves me!” I screamed

Aunt Iris face turned purple and I could see her knee’s going weak.

“Oh child you’ve got it all wrong. I was very much in love when I was your age, not with your uncle Johnny but with an Irish boy. We jumped in to early and I got pregnant, I was over whelmed with joy. It came to me giving birth and it turned out the baby was dead…I had to give birth to a still born. My boyfriend left me and my parents kicked me out…so don’t you ever talk to me about that child, you have no clue!” she yelled before storming out of the room.

A sharp pain hit me in the chest and I felt like my stomach was in my throat. Australia supposed to of been a new start, a green light to a good life. Not this, this wasn’t how I dreamt it at all. The only thing ringing in my mind was the thought of going home back to Ireland, but did I even belong there anymore?