It really is true that you can't be mad at someone that you love too long. Love overpowers hatred, heartaches and anger. When you love someone too much, hurting in the process of loving would be nothing but a mere vaccine shot. It hurts in the beginning then later on you find yourself getting used to the pain. There's also a point where you feel too brave enough that you would still look at the thing inflicting pain on you. That even if it hurts, you don't give a damn.
Parang kagat lang ng langgam 'to.
Nurses would often say. Sana ganun na lang din kapag nakikita kitang may kasamang iba. Na kahit alam kong for show lang talaga, masakit man sa una, mawawala din kapag tumagal. Pero kahit masakit titignan mo pa din. Kakainin mo yung pride mo kasi mahal mo.
I tried to remember the last time I ate my pride. Then it hit me. That fight.
She told me to shout at her the last time we had a fight. It was a major fight, mind you. I saw them getting too comfortable and cozy on the couch inside her condo. They looked lovely. Too fucking lovely for my liking. I acted as if I saw nothing then left without saying a word.
Two weeks passed that we were strangers to each other. No communication. No reconcilations. Zero. Zilch. Na-da.
For days I've been on a battle between apologizing for catching them and disturbing their moment together and the thought that damn that's just not right. Ako yung girlfriend pero mukhang ako yung kabit. Ako yung legal pero nagmumukha akong illegal.
Para akong kawad ng kuryente yun nga lang jumper, na kapag walang nakakakita pwedeng kumabit. For once I wanted to come out and tell everyone about us but fuck the people who interferes a lot, sending blackmails and playing wih my life. If not for her matagal na akong umamin but I can't. I have to help her reach her goals first. Ang hirap po magpaaral ng med student. She has no idea na ako yung nagbabayad ng tuition fees niya and I intend to keep it that way ayoko na magstay siya sa relasyon namin because of utang na loob or kung iiwan niya na ako hindi siya masasakal sa thought na utang niya sa aking yung pangarap niya kasi kung wala ako wala siya sa position niya ngayon. Mas gusto kong magsstay siya dahil mahal niya ako or iiwan niya ako dahil hindi niya na ako mahal.
Then we saw each other through a gathering and she confronted me with words. Sabi niya sigawan ko siya, magalit ako sa kanya dahil sa nakita ko. But I can't. I tried to get mad, I wished that I could actually get mad at her but when I saw her, all I could say was "You're as beautiful as the day I last saw you."
It is true though, she really is beautiful. Her beauty added extra spunk to her personality. That's why I fell.
