Letters

3

I don't want to go to school. I feel like my sould had enough and it's sick. I feel exhausted. But I don't have a choice. So I get up and take a bath and get whatever clothes my hand touch again. I walk downstairs to see that my mom's watching TV. "Good morning pretty!" She greeted me. "Good morning Mom" I walked to the kitchen to have my breakfast. "Xiumin came, he's asking if you're going to school cause he'll walk with you. I told him you're still sleeping so he walk to school alone. I don't wanna wake you up cause you aren't late yet.. You're not mad, right?" I munched at the prepared sandwich for me. "Why would I be mad mom?" I sat beside her. She narrowed her eyes on me "Is there a problem my baby girl? Cause it's not the typical Clara reaction when it comes to Xiumin.." She looked worried. "Nothing mom. Just not in the mood." I pouted. "Gotta go. I don't want to be late for the second time." Mom looked shocked so I hurriedly exit the house. "How dare you Clara Bae!" I laughed at the cute reaction of my Mom as she chased me. I just did a flying kiss for her and a peace sign. Kkk!

On my way to school while munching my sandwich. I hesitate whether to continue walking or just go back at home. I mean, I'm not ready to face everyone after yesterday. I sighed as I take the last bite of my sandwich. "Clara!" Tina run into me as soon as I step the school premises. "Woah. Chill girl. Hahaha." She hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry Clara. I didn't mean to make you feel like that yesterday.."

"What do you mean?"

"You feel like being played, right? You told Kai and Sehun yestersay.. Clara. That's not true. We're not playing with you.."

I didn't respond for seconds. "It's okay Tina. I'm sorry too. I know I overreacted." Then fake laughed. She doesn't say anything but she seemed sad. "Smile baby! We're fine, okay? Hahaha!" I patted her head and she smiled. We already walked to our classroom. We were awkwardly silent like a couple having a lover's quarrel. As we reach our room I just sat there reading my book If I stay. I'm not angry at Tina anymore. I was  carried away by my feelings yesterday. For now, I wanna have some peace of mind. So I'm not that being a chitchat. I know its kinda upsetting for Tina for me to act like this.. But I really don't feel like talking. When our teacher came. I keep my book and as usual we need to listen here, listen there, do this, do that. When we were dismissed. We head to our lockers. I'm not hoping nor wishing for a letter anymore.

When I opened my locker there was an envelope. I thought he'll stop. I get the envelope and open it.

Is there something wrong? I'm sorry. You really don't want me to send letters anymore? Aish. I'm really sorry for being a coward when it comes to confessing to you personally. But I want you to know that I don't play games or tricks with you. I'm sincere with my feelings, Clara. :)

The letter I have just read gives me guilt. I don't know. "So.. What now?" Tina asked. "I don't know, Tina. I'm so confused of what I'm feeling right now."   I sighed then put the envelope inside bag and we walked out of our building. Minseok showed up. Tina greeted him and I just smiled as a gesture. We passed thorough him. Tina waved goodbye as we change directions.

"Clara!" Minseok run to me. "Are you ignoring me?" I don't know what to say cause, I am. "Nope." And I smiled at him. We walked on awkward silence. When we entered the subdivision he finally break the ice. "It's almost your birthday, any plans?" I just stay silent and shook my head. When we reach our own houses I just waved at him and entered.

He might find my actions weird, but that's for my own good. I don't wanna talk to him first cause I'm really confused towards my feelings. I'm always being carried away with my emotions. I don't want to make mistakes here cause my friendship with Minseok is at stake. But I know to this what I'm doing. I'm already pushing him away. And I'm so stupid for being scared to be hurt because of rejection tho I'm already hurting in the process.

But at this point all I know and what us clear is that.. I'm a mess.