you

emotions

Kiera's Point of View

After School

I walked to the front of the school, slowly, trying to figure what I should and should not say. It was a little breezy making my dress press against me.

I see Ashton, by himself. I slowly started walking to him. He is standing tall but he still looks sad from far away. You can see his bracelets of bands. His curly brown hair blowing through the wind. His hands slightly in his pocket as if he was anxious for something. His feet rock back and forth waiting for me. I went up to him, hesitant of what I should say.

"Kiera, we have to go somewhere private, in order to talk." He demands, I nodded my head. I then realized Calum, Luke and Michael were waiting in his car where he leaned on. Calum, Michael and Luke decided they should sit in the back, while I sit upfront with Ashton. Ashton opens my side of the door letting me sit in. He arrives to his side, turning on the engine. He drives the boys home first, and we all say our goodbyes.

"Where are we going?" I ask , hoping he'd answer me.
"Where we would always go," he states. It was the ice cream parlor, near my home. Our first date took place there.

"Kiera! Ashton is here to pick you up!" Angelica yells waiting impatiently. I had a subtle pink striped crop top with ripped high waisted jeans. I left my hair natural, as Ashton likes that. I wore my Adidas Superstar shoes. I clipped a bow to the back of my half up -half down hair. He was taking me to the ice cream parlor. It wasn't much but I decided to look decent still. Ashton stood at the door wearing a faded gray shirt and jeans. He looked at me as if I was a different person.

"Is it too much?" I ask "I'll go change if it is." I say hesitantly.
"No you look absolutely beautiful," he says with the most sweetest smile. He was everything I need, everything I want everything I love.

The memory replayed in my mind. Giving myself a smile.
"Why are you smiling ?" He asks and I noticed we just parked.
"Nothing." I reply he gives me a look and decided to let it go. He opens his door and walks to my side opening mine. I quickly gathered my things and went out the car.

"Thank you," I say. He nods his head as we enter into the place. It looks the same as the last time we came here. He lead me to a table and pulled out a chair for me and I sat down.

"Kiera," he says sitting down, " these seven months have been rough without you. You are the light of my world. You inspire me to do better, you make me happy. I wanted to tell you yes, I do love you. I don't know why I broke up with you on the night of January 19, 2013 . The words slipped out of my mouth. I didn't mean it. Please take me back please." He pleads holding my two hands. Although his soft expression and his play on words captivated me, I pulled my hands away.

"Ashton, I can't. Yes I feel the same. However, you already had your chance.  I don't want to risk the chance of getting hurt again. I may want what you want. Though, I certainly don't need it. It breaks my heart knowing that you love me again, but you didn't make me stay. That night , the last night I looked back at you, you didn't say a word you just stared as if our relationship meant nothing. As if I have meant nothing to you. I was just someone to past your time Ashton. I knew that you would leave when all you could think about is your band and exposure. How you guys want to make it big. I knew that one day you'd forget me and I would move on. I am thankful for all the memories you gave me. For all the breathtaking, intimate moments we shared. Please, I don't want to repeat history." I state firmly, his look in his eyes are more devastated than I thought. He yet to inform me what he thought, so I began to gather my items and started to get up. He moves quick enough to stop me.

"Kiera , but I- I love you. Don't you get it? I have always loved you. I thought you would come back to me the next day. I was wrong. I went to your house that day but you wouldn't open up the door. Perhaps you were gone. I went to every single place you would hide and you weren't there. Kiera I made an effort trying to get to you. That I didn't mean it." He looks at me almost about to cry. I teared up a bit , I wiped away all my small drops of tears.

"Your effort may be good enough to you but you didn't once try to open that door up. You never tried to call me or text me. Or call my close friends to help you. Your effort was good enough to you but not to me. Nothing will ever be good enough." I state. He stands there shocked and confused.

"Kiera, I love you. Please just let your emotions speak for themselves. Please tell me I love you. Please say I love you too to me. Please Kiera." His eyes soft with expression. He pleads for an I love you but I cannot give him what he wants. I'm afraid that in the end we'll both get hurt.

"I am sorry but I am of no use, I cannot give you what you want." I state hopefully he wouldn't lie to me again. The I love you's and the I miss you's were just plain lies.
"Don't you lie to me as well, if you really loved me. You'd try to call me everyday, maybe if you did that I would've forgive you but, you're making it hard for me." He stares at me and grabs my hand, opening the door and places his lips against mine once we get outside. I was triggered at what he was doing once he made me kiss him. I pulled away after he leaned in deeper.

"Ashton," I say
"Kiera I felt that spark didn't you feel it? Kiera I know you feel the same just please say—"
I walked away , crying in fact. All my feelings were out of control. I didn't want to kiss him. I was done with him. The spark felt the same but I just could not forgive him that easily. He saw me walk away and started screaming my name. My house wasn't far from here. Only about a 3-5 minute walk. He started running after me and I tried walking as fast as I can. He eventually caught up to me.

"Kiera I am sorry. I just thought—"
"THAT IS WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO. YOU JUST THINK, YOU NEVER CONTEMPLATE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON SHOULD FEEL ABOUT IT. MY FEELINGS ARE NOW MESSED UP BECAUSE OF YOUR DECISION. I STARTED TO LET GO OF IT ASHTON, YOU ARE MAKING IT HARD FOR ME. WHY DO YOU DO THIS?" I yell at him. I felt tired, done and sad. I felt a rush and mid of emotions coming at me.

"Kiera, if you just listened to me that night before you left—"
"Listen to you? Ashton I did, I let you have what you want. Give me what I want. Please." I gently but strongly say, hearing my tone hiss at him.

I finally arrived to my house. He is still by me. I opened my door and as soon as he wanted to come in, I didn't let him.

"Leave me alone," I state about to close the door.
"I am not leaving till you let me enter. I will stay out here the whole time waiting for you. I'll wait for you and only you." He states I closed the door and went upstairs. Frustrated, sad, mad, happy, and angry. I was perplexed by why he kissed me. I felt the same spark but I couldn't feel the same as he would hurt me again. I take off my braids. Putting my extensions back in my drawer. I wipe the make up off my face then washed it. I took off my clothes and turned on the soothing warm water. I grabbed one of my bath bombs and put it in the water. It was the 'Frozen' bath bomb from lush. It was a mixture of my two favorite blues. As it dissolves in the water I hop into the tub. I relaxed and decided to think for awhile.