May 1st
Sigh. I feel like I need to get outside again. Some days I almost miss the old life... the old lie, really. It was safe and didn't really require any work on my part other than the colossal effort to believe the lie I was living. I suppose there's safety in the devil we know, versus the unknown. I've specifically not told folks around here about why I ended up here. I don't want them to see me as an object of pity. I want them to know me as the Sarah I'm becoming, the true Sarah that's been hidden inside for so long that she'll squint at the light when she finally emerges. The Sarah I've always been, deep down beneath the layers of fluff and filler and the mask I wore. For the first time in years, I can honestly look in the mirror and say 'I like me.' Even better, I can now look in the mirror and I recognize me. The hurt is still there, however. I can't deny that. But it's getting better with each day. I find that I have a new love in my life: me.
Since I missed posting some new tunes yesterday, I'll post one today in celebration of the day. For such a happy-sounding song, the notes in the video almost make me cry. So many unhappy people, and we're told every day that we're being a productive normal member of society when we suppress who we truly are. In fact, it seems that those who have found true happiness without being dependent on another person or a pharmaceutical or who are individuals with opinions that differ from the mainstream are considered outcasts somehow. Funny how we're taught that in order to be happy we need to work ourselves to the bones, suppress our own dreams, and work our lives away to make someone in a corporation rich. Ironically we're taught by the media, which is pretty much owned by those same corporations that take away our lives. I'm so glad to be off the exercise wheel and out of the rat race. I'm happy to be an outcast because for once, I'm doing what I want to do, and I'm happy.
To all those following their dreams and their happiness: Cheers. I'll get some rest today and solve the mystery of the two extra windows tomorrow.
May 2nd
Curiosity got the better of me and I HAD to know what was in that hidden room, so I went to the local hardware store and bought a drill and a sledgehammer (both items recommended to me by the shopkeeper when I explained what I was planning to do). I also bought some plaster patch to fix the holes I planned on making in the hallway in the process of solving my mystery.
I walked along the wall in the hallway and knocked the way the shopkeeper had taught me to do when looking for a hollow spot that may be a walled-up door. I started in the middle, where it made sense there would be a door to another bedroom. I was also careful to check for plug sockets and light switches to make sure I wouldn't be hitting any electrical lines. Once I found the hollow spot, I drilled a hole and hit solid wood! I shone a flashlight through and saw stained wood that looked like the doors on the other bedrooms. I drilled carefully to get the general outline of the door until I found the knob. Even more carefully I went to work with the sledgehammer, knocking out sections of the wall around the doorknob until I had a hole big enough for me to open the door and see what mystery lay beyond.
My hand shook as I grasped the knob and turned.... and nothing happened. All of that work only to discover a locked door!
May 4th
Spent a good afternoon trying out keys to the locked mystery room door. Finally broke out the ornate ones. Turns out the really ornate one is the one that opened the door. I had a feeling it would be that one, but I guess I can't be faulted for due diligence and savoring the mystery, right?
Well, I finally brought the ornate key to the door and put it into the lock. It was quite a bit rusty-sounding, but it clicked home and started to turn, but was stuck a bit. I ran into town to the hardware store and got some WD-40 to spray in, then jiggled the key a little bit to loosen up the tumblers in the lock.
