WARNING: I WILL BE RANTING IN THIS CHAPTER. AND CRYING. AND CUSSING. AND BEING DEPRESSED. AND LONG STORIES
I am so damn sad.
Yesterday, I got a new baby bunny. This is he:
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
His name is Flop. Or rather, it was. He's dead.
And I feel so fucking guilty.
Like, ok so, my mom's friend found a baby bunny (Flop) in her yard and thought he was abandoned, so she took him. But she couldn't keep him or take care of him, even though her daughter wanted to keep him. But she gave them to us because we already have a bunny.
So we were at home and watching Young and Hungry on Netflix and I was cuddling with him in my palm (the picture above) and looking up how to take care of baby bunnies.
All of the sites said that if you found a wild baby bunny alone in its nest, do not assume that it's been abandoned. So I was like, maybe you still have a mom, dammit.
Fast forward to night time, and I got him a small box with towels. I cuddled with him until midnight, then fell asleep. I woke again at 3, and cuddled more. And 6:30 he was fine, although he wriggled a lot. Nothing much hanged when I check at 7 and 7:30, but then at 8:20, he was cold. Like, so cool, and I freaked. I grabbed him and held him gently and flew downstairs like a fucking demon woke my mom up. I was a whimpering incoherent mess and my mom tried to warn him up. We did everything we could fucking do, but then at like 10 my mom was like, Oh, Honey we have no choice, it's time to bury him. And I had him cradled against my heard and I cried so damn hard,, and we found him a small box and placed him gently inside curled up nice and snug like:
Hoppla! Dieses Bild entspricht nicht unseren inhaltlichen Richtlinien. Um mit dem Veröffentlichen fortfahren zu können, entferne es bitte oder lade ein anderes Bild hoch.
We placed cotton balls on him too. And then we buried him under my apple tree and I cried even more and - fuck, I'm tearing up, dammit.
So then I stood there and silently mourned my dead baby and left
I took a shower and in the shower I was just crying fucking waterfalls and I was like
IMSORYIMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY
AND I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY LIKE
IF I CHECKED SOONER HE COULDVE LIVED
AND I CANT EVEN
IM SO DAMN SORRY
AND I JUST
I CANT
OK
I CANT
...
And I wanna say more but then I also don't wanna. Now I know how my friend felt when her dog Linda died a couple months ago.
Updates will be irregular since I'm still trying to recover. Plus, next week I'm not going to be at home, but at a NYLF STEM program at a college.
