The most I've ever hated myself was in Year 6,
When a girl I liked sat next to me.
I reached under the desk for some reason or another
And accidentally touched her leg,
My entire body freezing as I tried desperately to pretend it didn't happen
But we both knew it did.
Other than that, in terms of myself, I've always been satisfied.
The definition of satisfied is
Contented and pleased,
So it's difficult for me to comprehend that for some,
It's not a feeling of being content but an ongoing contest with their own mind,
Not pleased but repulsed at the sight of themselves.
When I think of myself,
I think of myself.
For some, it's a sick feeling or a feeling of hatred
And although I understand this,
I find it difficult to wrap my head around
People wrapping their thoughts up in twisted barbed wire against their will,
Unable to escape their own thought process -
A prisoner to their own mind.
If someone can't feel satisfied,
If someone can't help but justify the hate spewing from their own mind into a mirror,
They are not a "hormonal teen",
They are attention seeking,
Not to get noticed by you but to appeal to any loving part of their own mind for help in the battle against themselves.
Most efforts to ignore the thoughts
Work as well as firing Autumn at a forest of evergreens,
Ironic, because the person is left pining to be anyone but who they are.
Beauty has two definitions,
But it's shocking to see that inner beauty is the one ranked second.
That we prefer the way someone looks and the shape they are,
Over what makes them bearable to be around.
Looking at the graphs of usage,
We're describing beauty less than ever before,
While the word "ugly" is constantly rising.
It's as if the only way to make ourselves feel better is to knock others down,
But this theory doesn't work.
If you're insecure about your height,
Stepping on people won't make you any taller.
If your weight breaks you down,
Starving others of compliments won't show you any difference.
The most I've ever hated myself was in Year 6.
The most I've ever been tempted to hate myself more is every night,
Watching people get lost without being able to hand them a map,
Watching people drown but not being allowed to turn off the tap.
YOU ARE READING
First Steps #WATTYS2016
PoetryMy first collection of original poetry, designed to represent what I have done and seen in life so far. I'll be uploading to YouTube whenever I can, I'm creating backing soundtracks for each poem (and building funds for a microphone). If you enjoy...
