Black Girl in White America.

you had it rough?

An open letter to people who think they have it tough.

And compare the nightmare I call life to their tiring stuff.

Feelings. Something I have pushed aside for so long.

I put up the front that I am a fighter that I am strong.

But yet not strong enough to take care of my self.

But strong enough to fix you back to health.

You see it seems that when it involves me i am the last to know.

I mean when comes to me it's when it's convenient cause maybe means no.

But yet I get forced to do stuff on exchange for the price of living.

You see don't think i forget just because I am so forgiving.

I mean I push my feelings aside to be there for you when your blue.

But when I need something you can't seem to do it until it is convenient enough for you.

I mean your always talking about me being selfish but that you already took.

Cause you see I am a thirteen year old girl that's seen more death than a Stephen King book.

I have been in and out of hosipitals they know me by first name.

But yet still find time to watch, record, coach practice and still play the life game.

You see I have time to push my feelings aside so I can be there for you.

But when I need something you act like you have no clue what I have been through.

That there was never a month when someone was not in the hospital.

I have suffered more heartache than a twilight fan would know possible.

It's rough being a kid thinking that today you'll lose your dad.

Spent so much time in hospital you didn't have the childhood everyone else had.

When death is simply a dream of a time you can finally rest.

When your spirits are down and your all that you have left.

When Hell is your heaven and reality is your hell.

When you've given up on God because he never served you well.

When a sickness is just a burden, another lash that has been laying on your back.

When times are so rough that you have no time to backtrack

When trouble is so close to you your practically related.

I'm like history helpful and wise but taken for granted, never appreciated.

Don't talk to me about war. I have slayed dragons larger then you could ever imagine.

I am always saving damsels from demons don't ever get to fight the ones I have within

I am a kid, a child. I got aspirations too.

but unless I am helping out than I'm never good enough for you.

I am beaten and broken down so you can use my bricks to build yourself up.

But I have learned that no matter what I do I am always forgotten, never enough.

I dream of death so much it seems so surreal.

But no. Your right. Of course you know how I feel.