The Endarkening of Maia Minha

Point Of No Return

Hushed voices whispered in all corners of the library. Row upon row and shelf upon shelf of books filled the building to the brim, as did the tables planted firmly to the ground. Maia, who had wandered through the doors as soon as they opened, made a direct route to a table at the very back of the place, away from intruding ears and prying eyes. Large glass windows filtered in the morning light, enlightening the area of the back tables. Everything seemed like it was alright, but as soon as she sat down, she felt as if she made a huge mistake.

She shouldn't be here, she shouldn't have asked her to meet her, she shouldn't have called her. There was only one way this conversation would end, and it wasn't favorable, not one bit. She would call Maia crazy, tell her she was schizophrenic or even messed up in some sort of freakish way she had no idea how to even begin fixing. But as soon as the thoughts arose, Maia mentally chastised herself. She wasn't giving her friend enough credit. She trusted Nyssa, more than anything, she could tell her anything. But even so, as the doubt continued to churn at the bottom of her gut threatening to make her sick, she knew even some things were too terrible that should be left unsaid.

Talking to somebody about what had happened the night before would release the pressure building in her chest, but that relief was not worth the loss of a friend.

Maia's brain was maxing out, she couldn't keep going for much longer, couldn't hold up the pretense of being okay. She wasn't. Not even remotely. She was a paranoid, exhausted, anxious mess. Her body fidgeted without her own consent. Her hands grasped at the sides of the table, her leggings bouncing up and down, up and down, up and down. The library was supposed to be quiet, but it seemed as if there were voices everywhere. Her senses bombarded her and she couldn't take it anymore. Opening up a book to distract her was out of the question, walking around was a bad idea- seeing that her legs might give out. She couldn't get up and run, she had no where to run to- where she went, her thoughts would follow. She lowered her gaze to the wood table she sat at, staring so intently at the lines etched into the surface, a dull ache settled behind her eyes.

She was being ripped apart from the inside out, and there was no escape from being the victim of her own doing. She couldn't let it go. She couldn't. She wasn't crazy, she couldn't be crazy.

After all, who could you trust if you couldn't even trust your own mind? There had to be truth in what she thought she knew, if there wasn't, who knew how far Maia would fall? And she couldn't fall. She'd worked too hard to fall from everything she had. She wasn't crazy. She couldn't be. But something in the back of her mind told her it wasn't up to her to decide if she was insane or not. That decision was left to those around her. And from the looks of it, she was certifiable. Her knuckles turned white from gripping the sides of the table so hard. Her eyes wandered from side to side looking for faces she knew, those who wanted to do her harm and those who had not even thought of hurting her. Her nausea increased as she refused to hold still, her legs bouncing up and down, up and down, up and -

Suddenly, a shadow imposed itself on the surface of her table, blocking out the light in the shape of an elongated silhouette. The smell of a familiar perfume surrounded her, and even before she dragged her gaze away from where it was previously locked, she knew who would greet her.

An exasperated sigh was followed by the scraping of a chair against hardwood floor as Nyssa took a seat across from her friend.

"Only you would choose the library as a meeting place at 8 in the freaking morning. I'm pretty sure that those annoying chirping bird thingies aren't even up yet."

Maia smiled despite herself. Her nerves calmed a little at the sight of welcoming brown eyes, choosing not to take note of the annoyance that shone brightly through them.

"You're late."

"I'm always late. So are you, so you are SO not one to talk about my inability to make myself present on time." She leaned back in her chair in a languid position, her hand finding a rhythm as her fingers drummed on the table. "You can, however, talk about why you called me at 3 in the flippin' morning! God, you sounded crazed! You were talking so fast, I barely caught any of what you said! You told me that "you couldn't explain over the phone" and that I should meet you here in the morning? And on top of all that deranged babble, you expected me to go back to sleep? Damn you Maia."

"Well, did you sleep?"

"Like a baby, but what kind of friend would I be if I said that in the first place?"

Maia gave her an exaggerated eye roll and Nyssa stuck her tongue out in response. Everything normal between the two.

But Maia was about to ruin that normal. She might lose her friend, and that ripped her heart in two. Nyssa must have seen the change in her expression because in a second her indignant teasing tone turned into one filled with concern. "Mai, whats going on? Talk to me." But she was gone, lost in the depths of her own thoughts, and doubts and worries, and try as hard as she could Nyssa knew she would not be able to talk her friend out of whatever hypnotic daze she was in. So like the mature young woman she was she stopped exerting her energy, and with a swift kick to the shin, Maia was awoken from her trance. She didn't look too happy as she clutched her throbbing leg.

"Oww. . . What the fuc-"

Nyssa cut her off with a fury. "Oh uh uh. No way. You can not zone out like that after I begin to demand answers. You've been acting insane this whole time, more so than normal. Talk."

It wasn't hard to miss the way Maia flinched when she heard the word "Insane."

Nyssa softened as she leaned in and reached over to grab her friends hand. "Hey, look at me." Maia did as instructed. "You're scaring me." she whispered, "Talk to me. What happened?"

It could be easy, if she let it. Talk to her friend. Tell her what happened. Let her talk Maia out of her disillusions, let her friend help her see reason.

But some part of Maia didn't want to see reason. It screamed at her to hold on to the insanity that threatened to rip her apart. If she began to speak she wouldn't stop until there was nothing left to say, no turning back. Point of no return. But she couldn't hold it in. The internal war she waged with herself was raging on, but as soon as Maia saw the worry painted on Nyssa's face, her fears melted away. She was being crazy, but not because what she believed, only because she doubted the one person she could trust most.

"If I tell you, you'll think I'm nuts."

Nyssa gave a gentle but firm squeeze to her hand. "I already think you're nuts. What do you have to lose?"

What could she lose? she knew right away. If nothing else, in this world, Maia had her mind and her eyes. If people -if Nyssa- began to question them, she wouldn't have a single thing. In a split second she decided that that needed to be a risk she was willing to take.

Maia shut her weary eyes, and with an all-too-quick-to-be-over breath she filled her burning lungs, and began to tell the tale that no one could prepare themselves for, one that would led her down a path no one expected her to follow- least of all her.