Anorexic // n.h

Chapter2

Anorexic

All I can think about was why me ? Why and how did I developed anorexia ?

I was sitting up and looking at the white blank wall thinking . I turned to see though the clear door, gabby talking to the doctor. I could tell she was worried and nervous as she was biting her nails. She would always do that, it was a habit of hers. She then stopped biting her nails and looked at the doctor shocked and worried with her mouth slightly open. I turned to look back at the wall which seemed more interesting at that time. I can feel tears surrounding my eyes but tried to stay strong. I felt one tear slip away and streaming down to my cheek. I quickly wiped it away as I hear the door slide open and silence filled the room between us two.

She didn't say anything but I knew there was so many things she wanted to ask me. I was still staring at the wall and I could feel her staring at me. There was still a few minutes of silence until she asked a question I couldn't even answer.

" Why ? "

I didn't respond because in my mind I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

" Why ? " she asked again but a bit louder.

" For God sake answer the damn question Hope, WHY ? " she was literally screaming close to my face. I can see tears almost fall from her face.

" Wh....." I cut her off before her could have scream why again.

" I don't know" I screamed back at her. There was a second of silence until I replied myself.

" I don't know okay" I took a deep breath before repeating myself.

"I just don't know " I said more quite than the last time I screamed it.

I threw myself back frustrated until I felt my head being on the pillow of the hospital bed. I started crying until I started laughing for no reason. I just started laughing, I knew Gabby was stunned by my actions. Until she started laughing with me too. Me laughing wasn't because of something funny but of frustration, confusion, disbelief and sadness.  I stopped laughing and took a deep breath, I then turned to look at Gabby.

" I missed you " I said honestly. I saw her coming close to me she then pulled me into a hug.

" I missed you too " she said into my hair. She pulled out of the hug and had her hands in each side of my shoulders. I saw she was wear a ring on her left had until I realized it was a proposal ring.

" You're getting married ? With who ? "  I said happy for her. She smiled widely of excitement and happiness before answering.

" Yeah I'm getting married to this funny, kind, handsome man named Liam, Liam Payne. "

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Me and Gabby spend our time talking about her up coming wedding. I still don't know how they both met because I didn't really asked but oh well I will ask later. She told me that one day I should come visit them at there house in London. She wanted me to meet Liam and I was okay with that. I was truly happy for her.

I started thinking maybe one day I can meet the right person who I will marry and be happy with my whole life. But there was a voice in my head that said its just stupid and it will never happen. And happy ever afters don't come true.

I came to hate 'Happy ever afters'. I hated that in ever happy ever afters. A girl always needs a Prince Charming to rescue her. But I don't , I been waiting for my Prince Charming for my whole life. Yet there's no one here. I given up on my Prince Charming. But some part of me still care and thought of looking for my Prince Charming.

Gabby found her Prince Charming so there's still hope. Right? But she always got the guys. She was the pretty, skinny,smart, popular and that funny girl with the beautiful green eyes.
While,
I was the nerd with glasses.

The girl nobody really knew about.

The girl that had a name but yet nobody seems to know it.

I'm that girl that's always in the back of the class and doesn't talk to anybody.

The shy one, the one you don't really notice if they were gone.

The Fat girl.

They were right I was fat and not perfect like my sister. Me and her were completely different; like from the eyes I had blue eyes part from my dad and she had green eyes from my mom. She was always the favorite yet I didn't hate her for it.

" Hope " Gabby said motioning her hand up and down in front of my face. Which caused me to stop my daydreaming and thoughts.

" Sorry what did you say " I said embarrassed. She just giggled.

" I said that I'm going to sleep it's getting late, you should get some sleep too " she smiled.

" Yeah okay good night " I said while laying down on my side on the unfortunate comfortable hospital bed. I was just laying there staring at the window.

How did I get here?

I had no memory how or why or even when I came across this state of starvation. In school I don't mind that I don't get noticed it's just sometimes you want to scream just so someone can listen. I hate when people see me and think something about me that isn't true. We judge people by how we look and don't take a time to get to know them. Or we are so afraid of our thoughts that we don't even try to do anything.

Sometimes we do scream but not loud enough for someone to listen. And here I am not screaming for help but screaming for answers I desperately needed.

I then slowly fell asleep with theses thoughts in my head. I'm stressed out. And I'm also Anorexic.