made in the am

Hey Angel

album 5, track 1

Niall hold her letter in his hands. It's just a silly piece of silly paper. How could it so easily destroy his life? He rereads it. Then again. And again. Again. Those words just couldn't get inside his head. What did she mean? Has he never been enough for her? At this point he couldn't even understand the meaning of the word "sorry". Just emptiness inside his head. Not just his head, his heart as well. His whole body feels empty, cold and lifeless. "Why did you leave me angel?" he whines while heavy tears make their way down his cheek, falling down in the darkness he's laying. With open eyes, staring at the ceiling. 3.48 am. "Hey angel do you know the reasons why we look up to the sky?" he whispers out in the dark in hope that he would get an answer. Not even 3 months ago he would have heard her giggling coming from the bathroom who borders on the bedroom on whose floor he's laying. Her letter pressed to his chest. Now she would have just smile at him with her little dimple on the right cheek, looking down at him, red curls covering her shoulders. She would have told him to stop thinking and to go back to sleep. The next minute she whould have crawled beside him and cuddled in the blankets who were covering both of them. She would have comforted him just laying beside him. Another tear is rolling down his cheek while realizes that he never will feel her soft breath on his neck ever again. "Hey angel tell me do you ever try to come to the other side?" Niall mumbles before sleep takes over him. In the next morning, 8.23 am, eyes wide open. He lays in his bed. How did he get there? The last thing he remembers is that he's been fallen asleep on the ground. " I just couldn't let you sleep on the cold floor''. She sits on the edge if his bed, smiling at him. Oh how much he missed her smile. The smile that could take all his pain away, that made his heart race. "Thank you for lifting me in my bed" he mumbles, eyes closed again. "No problem at all Nialler" a familiar voice says but this was clearly not his girl. Liam just entered the room "I was worried about you mate. We haven't heard anything from you in days! Do you want some coffee?" But Niall shaked the his head "No, thanks Liam. And thanks for coming over but actually I just want to sleep". "Oh", Liam answers "well then I will leave you again. But promise me to call whenever you need something. The lads and me are always here for you." Niall mumbles " I promise" he listens to Liam's footsteps how he walks down the stairs, goes through the hall and closing the front door. Slowly he makes his way downstairs as well. He sinks down on a chair of his bar who's in the corner of the living room. One whisky. Two. Three. He looks outside the big window in his garden he didn't step in since she left. The garden has been her full proud. In summer everything was full of pretty and colorful flowers but now short after Christmas everything was deep in snow. Fourth glass of whisky. "Stop drinking Niall" her voice cuts through the silence. He freeze. Staring with eyes wide at the empty chair beside him. Didn't she just sat there? Didn't she just rub his back and telling him to stop drinking. "You're right, you're always right angel" he puts down the glass. "I need to visit you it's already been a week". Slowly he moves to the front door. Everything just happens slowly. Getting sneakers and a coat on. It's too cold for sneakers. Who's cares anyway. "Don't forget your scarf love!" Niall shocked turns around. But she wasn't there. She would never be there again. "I won't" he mumbles, taking his scarf with him. As he walks down the way to the car, snowflakes slowly fall down from above. He lays his head in his neck, looking up to the sky, breathing in the cold air. "Hey angel" he smiles nearly laughing. He drives down the highway. He looks in the driving mirror. She's sitting in the backseat, looking concentrate outside the window. What is she thinking about? He concentrates on the street again. Tears falling down his face. Finally there's the florist. Like death he leaves his car and walks over to him. " twelve of the white roses, please" he orders. Those have always been her favorite flowers. Slowly he walks down the empty ways. Passing all those stones. His body feels numb. He stops. Letting the flowers sink down to the ground on her grave. He never lets her alone. Nearly 3 months sincs she's gone now. Decided to leave him for whatever her reason was. "I miss you angel" he mumbles while sobbing falling in his knees.