Bloody Love

The Thoughts

        I woke up to machines beeping and plain white walls. I fall back onto my pillow and start breathing heavily, the heart monitor beeping like crazy causing the nurse to bolt into my room. I was having a panic attack, I know it. I was breathing heavily, I was sweating, I could hear my heart in my ears. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't move, the nurse didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do.

"Don't do anything. I have everything under control."  The voice said and I slowly calmed down. The nurse was scared, she was visibly shaking and she had tears in her eyes. I lifted my hand and she moved away. I finally found my voice again and said in a hoarse voice, "It's okay Judy. Just a panic attack, that's all." She nodded and walked out of the room, wait scratch that, sprinted. I looked at my wrists and winced seeing the stitches.

My head shot up seeing the doctor walk in along with my mother and father. They haven't seen each other in years, they didn't have reason to due to their divorce. Now they do...because of me. They look at me in disbelief, glancing at my stitches. My Dad looks like he was about to cry and my Mum looks like she's gonna kill me.

"Not if you kill her first." The voice said in a teasing tone. I smile slightly, feeling a burning feeling in my chest, I sigh and turn my attention to my doctor, Dr. Michaels, explaining to my parents that I'm allowed to leave. I sigh, I'm so ready to leave this place, it reakes of hand sanitizer. The doctor left with my parents after unhooking me from the machines and I walk over to the chair that held my clothes. I carefully slip my skinnies on over my stitches and I do the same with my Totoro jumper.

I walk out with my phone in hand along with my headphones, my parents were sitting in the waiting room when I arrived. I said goodbye to my Dad and walked out with my Mum, preparing myself for what's gonna happen when we're out of sight. When we get in the car she ripped my headphones out of my ears,

"What the hell?!" I scream

"You do not talk to your Mother like that." She scowled.

"Who said I thought of you as a Mother." I mumble. And with that she slapped me. Hard I may add. I gripped my cheek shocked, yeah I had a disorder that allowed me to have a high pain tolerance but I was still shocked. She hasn't hit me in weeks. We stopped at a red light and I unbuckled.

"Where the fuck are you going missy?" She asked.

"HOME YOU BITCH!" I yelled and with that I slammed the car door running to the sidewalk. I put my headphones in my ears and I blast Motionless In White while walking home.

'This is gonna be a long way home.' I sigh

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*Later that night*

I enter my house and I carefully shut the door. On my way up stairs my step dad Erik walks in front of me. He grimaces and shoves me aside. I grunt in frustration walking to my room. Shutting my door I flop down on my bed sighing. I get up and change into my pajamas, glancing at myself in the mirror, flinching. I look disgusting. Scars are littered all over my body. I look away and climb in bed and put my phone on my IDoc playing Sleeping with Sirens. As I was about to fall asleep the voice in my head said,

"They will pay. All of them will pay." I smile and fall asleep.