Stay Away from Pleasure

Chapter Forty

22:22PM

I cannot even begin to describe the pain I feel right now. It just seems like everything has flipped and life is just spinning backwards. The bond that I used to have with Alice seems to be deteriorating. We used to be able to talk for hours, but now it's just unbearable. I think even Leonard hates me because of how everything just seems off on my part. I'm the one ruining everything. I'm the one causing everyone stress. Especially — oh God... Especially Matt.

The look on his face earlier on this evening made my stomach churn with regret. He didn't even bother hiding the pain in his eyes. He was so... So hurt.

I cannot even bear this and I've only felt this once. I mean, I'm a grown woman that understands life and death, has had my share of time with my father and I actually knew he was sick so I anticipated his death and began to prepare myself. Matt, on the other hand, had near to no time at all with his dad. Joseph's death was so abrupt. He didn't get a phone call saying his father was sick, so he never knew in advance, and he didn't get to say goodbye. He was so young, too young. And worst of all, he now has to go through this all over again.

I snuggle up in the covers. It's so much colder without him. He made it warm, made me warm. The way he wrapped his arms around as I slept will never be forgotten. God, I need to thank him, thank him for everything. If anything, we need each other. My pain only makes it harder for him as he grieves and vice versa. We both need to be strong so we can help each other.

The sound of the door bursting open has my head snapping out of the covers, expectant. Instead of the man I want, Leonard comes flying in instead. Out of breath, he closes the door quietly behind him. Aghast, he stands by the door with his eyes wide and writhing in what seems to be an angry mix of fear and surprise.

"Leonard? Come here!" I stare at him frantically, patting on the bed for him to come sit next to me.

He sits on the edge and I pull his jacket off.

"You're so hot." I mumble, fanning his face.

"Aren't you dating, Liz?" He jokes, panting as if he's just seen a ghost.

I roll my eyes and then catch myself as that reminds me of my father's harsh words whenever I used to do that when I was younger.

I clear my throat, "I have no time for jokes. What's up?"

"Zack's here and—"

My eyes widen, my palms get sweaty and my pulse accelerates. The pounding sound within me is like a bass drum being hit repeatedly, faster and faster.

"Zack's here?" I repeat with my voice breaking slightly.

"Yes and he and Matt made a deal, Liz."

I cock my head to one side; I'm all ears. "What deal?"

22:43PM

Matt leans forward and squeezes Leonard's hand in a handshake. After shaking Matt's hand, Leonard comes to me and hugs me tightly. I give him a small smile as he leaves and Matt closes the door softly. After he locks it, he stares at me, but not for long as he hangs his head low and walks away.

Before he can leave me completely, I grab his wrist and squeeze it with both my hands, pleading for him to stay without saying any words. His eyes fall onto my lips and he cups my face with his hands. Leaning up, I wait for him to press his lips against mine and once he does, I envelop him with my arms and legs, allowing him to carry me into our bedroom.