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A Book Of My Bullshit

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Sort of a journal. Read it if you like. Although, no one likes to read bullshit. So, Im not exactly sure where Im going with this.

#bored #bullshit #diealready #life #lonely #morelikejournal #notadiary #possiblyemo #stress #teen #whyevenbother #wtfiswrongwithme

Cancelled again

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by AnonBTRM

by AnonBTRM

June 19, Sunday
1:39 am

I didnt make an entry for yesterday. Well, i was upset and nobody online yesterday. It was fine because for the first time i actually did not want to talk to anyone. Mom said she'd come straight here after she was done doing whatever to take the kids out. I was supposed to hang out yesterday with Teddy and Panda. I will today, from 10am-8pm and they cant say anything. Though school is over, its just much more stressful. And i hate that plans keep getting cancelled. Thats what pissed me off. I talked to Teddy yesterday though, from 3am to 5am. Our conversation was alright. I didnt get pissed and we where actually having a conversation.

12:42pm

Mom came home today and decided to take the kids to the library and maybe the park. My plan is to go hang out with Panda today since Teddy is at church. He should be getting out around 2. I hope all three of us get to hang out. I miss them. I miss all the fun we have together. They have their own lives, and i do too. I hope we are still close in the future. I hope they feel the same way as I do about them. I dont ever want to forget them. Its a greater chance that I have to let them go. I have to grow up. I just dont want to. Attachment is very dangerous.

11:16pm

I hung out with Panda today. I had fun. We went to the movies and we went back to his house. We talked, laughed and i played with his hair. I also found out that after me and Teddy broke up, he developed feelings for another girl. But he said that she had feelings for one of his friends and she declined. Sometime later she was proving him right. Once he turns 18 this Tuesday, his mother is kicking him out. No one deserves to hurt like that. I cant help but wish i could hold him and make everything feel better even for the moment. But i cant. Im not the one. Today was shaky. Just like everyday. I told Teddy he deserves much better than me, he told me I did. I didnt want better, but ill be fine. Ill just continue to fix myself like i was. Hope and pray things go well for those I love.