A Book Of My Bullshit

A little background...?

June 16, Thursday
10:44 PM

Once again, I laying in my bed. Waiting for a message from any of the 2 people I talk to the most. Not really a social butterfly, and I like it that way. A message. Let's call him Panda. He's a really cool guy. Very intelligent and has a lot to say. And I love to listen. Ive only met him September of 2015 and he already means the world to me. Not just him, I have another friend, too. Let's call him Turtle. Ive known Turtle since the summer before 7th grade. That would make it a good 2 years. Apparently, the internet and those around us say a male and female cant be bestfriends. Well, surprise. Its possible. Attachment is a dangerous action. I have told myself before. I tried so hard to make myself believe that "I dont believe in love." But i fell hard. For the first time in my life. Our breakup was months ago. I told myself i was never going to cry for a man. Because of my actions, i find myself one of the weakest people I met. Panda had been there through it all. Gave me advice. Held me high. Help me fix myself. And he is still here. Turtle is very busy and I wouldnt want to add my burden to his. But i cant help but apill my heart out to Panda. He just had something about him that always gets me. The bad news is, he's moving away. Changing schools, too. Its a high chance that i wont see him again, but of course, social media helps. We message each other and even make phone calls. I wish he didnt have to go, or i had more time with him. I do have Turtle. They are two very different people, though. And my ex happened to be Panda's bestfriend. They met each other around the same time I met Turtle. There's just been a lot of stress lately. Mixed emotions that hurt and more broken skin. Its a habit, something like an addiction. I promised Panda no more lines and I broke it. He doesnt know, though. I feel terrible. I just need to stop and let go. Just like Panda said. I need to pray and have faith. Just like Turtle said. I need to find myself and hold on for those two. Just like I said.