Poetry from a damaged soul

Realizations

I don't know how to start this one
I don't know if I should start from the middle , End or beginning to make it interesting enough for you to read.
But I've realized that this year I will be spending another birthday alone, waking up and realizing no ones going to come so i might as well go back to sleep.
I will realize that all my relatives will be busy too so they won't bother show up either.
I won't have to decorate, but my mom will still make a cake.
I'll open one present.
Then I'll wonder how I've gotten myself so fucking alone.
Maybe it's because everyone around me left and I know I am the cause.
I either push them away by being to quiet and reserved or I push them away  with words I hardly ever mean.

I've come to realize that I'm never going to get who I want, they either make me have my hopes and then knock them down or they just stay a crush I never talk to because I'm far too afraid of being broken again.

I realize that I burst out with feelings
I realize that I am cruel
Stupid
Cold
A fuck up
A person no one wants to be Around or will eventually get tired of.
I realize that no matter how hard I try I will ALWAYS fail , I will grow up to be nothing but another person on the side of the street begging for money.
I realize that I will never become anything or get anything I need.
That I am selfish and dumb.
That I am nothing.
And that I deserve nothing.
Because I.. Am a no one