This Chapter will be the hardest Chapter I have to write. It was an emotional ride and something extremely personal to me. Be prepared and enjoy. ~
It was going to be a good day, I could feel it. I knew that no matter what happened I would have a loving family, good friends and mainly a great group of people. I try every morning to wake up happy and to push aside all the pain and feel thankful. A quote I live by since I was 11 was "Everyone wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without a little rain." -Anonymous. It gave me a reason to continue on and live to become something great. I would never consider myself suicidal but, I had a feeling of missing a huge component of my life and it was extremely overwhelming.
I was caught off guard when my family and friends barged in. "Happy Birthday Kells!!" Is it bad I forgot it was my own birthday? I remember feeling such love and it was the greatest feeling in the world. I was finally 15 and I was glad to finally be all grown up. I looked around and I saw: my dear and loving parents, my brother who came home from law school, my girlfriends Lindsey, Maddie, Courtney and my special Tommy. I was extremely surprised to see Vinnie there along side all my friends. I couldn't help but smile and feel so overwhelmed with love. I knew I was so fortunate to have these people in my life. My birthday was no different from any other day. I spent the day at my house just pigging out with all my friends. It ended up as a sleepover and we all watched movies till the sun rose and soon we all passed out.
January 25th, 2014: A day I will never forget. A day that killed my heart. A day that I wished didn't happen. A day I wish never came. The day Lindsey was diagnosed with Leukemia. I remember feeling so much hatred towards God for placing such a tragedy on such a kind and loving person. I always believed cancer was placed on people who did wrong. Boy was I wrong; Lindsey could never do wrong and now she was diagnosed with such a horrible cause. She was passionate, loving and kind. I still today believe God made a mistake. We vowed on 01-25-14 that we would spend everyday together till the time came. It was a horrid thought but it was something that I wouldn't mind having. From that day on we shared everyday after school, every weekend just enjoying the time we had. My memories of her will only be the best ones, which were every last one.
March 24th, 2014 at 9:01P.M. : The moment I gave up on life. The day I decided I would never be kind again. They took away my best friend and now I feel empty. I never believed I could feel love or even happiness; after receiving the call from Lindsey's mom telling me that she passed away. I was at the top of the world days before and now I felt like I was under a pit. But, I remembered what Lindsey said to me "Kelly all people are going to be jerks but you can't be one of those people. You're stronger then that." From that moment on, I knew no matter how much I could hate someone; if they needed me I'd be there to support them no matter what. I can truly say this from the bottom of my heart, Lindsey completely impacted my life and changed it for the better.
March 28th, 2014: A community group gathering occurred. Families from Bay-Ridge, Sunset Park and Dyker Heights all came together to mourn the death of Lindsey Gabriella Bednarczyk. I was surprised to see how many people showed up. I noticed not only did she affect me and my family but she affected communities all around. Lindsey use to volunteer to help the poor, the sick, the needy, the middle class-men, and even the rich. She use to tutor kids at the local church to help them get into specialized schools. She truly was an angel of God. She was loved and she still is today. God needed an angel back and he decided he needed her. Lindsey maybe gone but she's still in my heart forever.
April 14th, 2014: The funeral. I never believed I could shed as many tears as I did. I was the one who was chosen to give the eulogies. I remember walking up there nervous and in tears; but the moment I reached the podium my heart was filled with love. I spoke every word and I felt it with the heart. In that exact moment I could feel Lindsey's love all around me. I knew she was in the room filling everyone with good and strength because that's what she wanted for all people. She wanted everyone to have a good day; She wanted everyone to wake up with a smile on their face.
After the funeral, I remember crying on my bed wishing she was still here. Till today, I still cry thinking about her. But I know, she's in a better place. On my bed there was a little velvet box that held a necklace; it was a silver chain with a dove charm. On the side it had a little note "Stay strong and I'll be here." Signed Vinnie. This person who I just met cares about me and went out of his way to make me happy. He was great. I was expecting him to just vanish because I would be the little freak who mourns the death of her super amazing best friend. But, he stayed and he supported me. Now, I really see why Lindsey trusted him so much. I soon become dreary from all the tears and drifted off to sleep thinking about only the good memories of Lindsey.
I know this Chapter has been emotional. I still cry knowing she's gone but I know she's in the best place possible. Two years have passed but the memories are still fresh in my mind. My sweet, perfect little Lindsey no bad words can be said about you cause you truly are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have given me an insight on the world that I never believed I could have. Thank you guys for reading this emotional chapter and dealing with the long and rainy ride.
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