The Journey... (A true Story)

Chapter Four

People tend to view the world in a different perspective when a tragic event were to occur. I can admit I was one of those people. I felt the world was dark and totally against me. My world was spun upside down and I never believed that I would view the world in a bright perspective like I had in the past. When you feel a lose like that; it's hard to come back from. I never believed I would ever feel joy or even happiness when a tragedy like that occurs. I knew I wouldn't be able to bounce back. I never believed such pain could be encountered till that day. I couldn't feel love or even thankfulness. I was overwhelmed with pain, sorrow and depression. People say that when you experience pain like that; there are seven stages of grief. But, I felt like I couldn't get passed the stage of depression. I lacked energy, I lacked my own thy self. I lost myself to the pain. I would go months on end without association with people. I was what people considered, lost. I would always see myself in the best view possible but now, I was alone and I couldn't be around others.

November 17th, 2014: The day I finally gave in. The day Courtney told me straight out to stop pitying myself; and it was unattractive for a girl. It was 6 months since the funeral and I was still hurting; but Courtney demanded I get up. She forced me to see the world as a beautiful place and not a dark hell hole. After deciding she was right and I needed to see the world in a better perspective. I guess, I never really finished the seven stages of grief but I was feeling much better. I went back to school after taking months off. I was thrilled to get back into a routine. I got back into the grove of things; started Volleyball and Softball again. Join the debate, science and math team. We placed in nationals for all three. I was finally back into a good state. Many still saw me as the happy girl and I didn't change much. I was back to the way I was, before everything fell out of state.

However, it was time to face the boys. I was nervous; the last time I saw them was the funeral and I wasn't sure how they would react. First destination? Tommy's. I was surprised to see him cry when I came and he was ecstatic to see me back and healthy. But, I wasn't the only one with good news. Tommy finally came out and told me he was gay. (I got permission to add this) Not only that but, he was now in a loving relationship with a guy named Michael. I was happy for him; he deserves the best and nothing but the best. We said our farewells and the next destination? Vinnie's.

I don't know what made me decide to see Vinnie but, I had to. We haven't been friends for long but I felt like I've known him my whole life. It was crazy; we only hung out a couple of time and never talked for more then 4 hours. But, I felt like I knew him and he was special in my life. I reached his house and knocked on the door. I was greeted with a big astounding hug. Vinnie was delighted to see me smiling and happy. He was even more impressed when he saw I was wearing the necklace he got me. It was a sign of hope for the better future. I was surprised how happy I felt to be with him. We spent many hours together that day; just him updating me on everything I missed out on. Considering how late it got, we decided to call it a night. My mom came to pick me up and she noticed a drastic difference. I went from being silent and cold to being talkative and warm like I use to be. I assumed with all the old memories returning and I felt much better. I felt more and more like myself.

My first house party in a really long time. I came back just in time for kick off. Kick off is where we start the beginning of a memorable year. It was us kicking the school year off with the first party. I knew Lindsey would want the very best for me. She would want me going out to have a great time; so I came to the conclusion I would go to the party. In the few months, I noticed how much has changed. We had a new group of friends; people I never met before. I couldn't wait to jump right on in. I couldn't wait to see what talents and what interest they had compared to mine. My goal in that night was to get myself more involved with friend and not to get pissed drunk.

I found myself getting to know people a lot better and to see that we had a lot in common. I was glad to be surround in people again. It was till I saw Vinnie standing by himself in the corner of the room. I walked up and we started chatting. I felt like it was just me and him in room and everyone else was nonexistent. I never saw him as anything more then a friend. I think it was more or less me being afraid of the idea of being in a relationship than the actual thing itself. We spoke about the smallest details; from our interest for the future to our favorite foods. I felt a weight from my body was finally being lifted; it was the start to a beautiful friendship that others will envy. It was so surreal how amazing it felt to have a friend like that.

Later that night, I bumped into a really cute kid. Who knew he could be going through the same thing I was going through. Jack was the one guy who knew the exact pain I was going through. He lost his sister from a car accident and he came back from it. We ended up together on the sidewalk outside the house talking about the tragedy that happens to good people. We related in ways that others couldn't understand. It was more of a I understand what you're going through type of scenario. Jack understood the emotional distress I was feeling and he understood that faking a smile was not as easy as others make it seem. He overall connected with me in such a way. We decided to exchange number and just get through our hard times together.

Home is a place where you can feel safe knowing no one is judging you. I know I felt better but the thought of Lindsey gone still really impacted me. That was the first night I face timed Jack and we spoke till I passed out. It was to my surprise the call was still going on when I woke and to my delight he was fast asleep. I felt happy; I woke up happy. How can one guy influence so much within a matter of hours? My heart finally opened again and I felt some type of love. It wasn't love I had when Lindsey was alive but it was very close to it.