Separated by a Screen (And Several Hundred Miles)

Chapter Twelve

By the time I left the locker room, the dance was nearly over; it was almost eleven by that point. Shoes in my hand, I quickly maneuvered between the remaining students and walked out of the building. My hands were still shaking as I drove home.

The lights in the house were off - my parents had already gone to sleep, thank God. I was not about to explain to them how my night had gone. I shut off the car, then got out and carefully walked into the house; I couldn't risk waking my parents up. Once inside, I quietly made my way upstairs, wincing when one of the floorboards creaked.

Going against the pact I'd made with myself to be quiet, I decided to risk it and take a shower, as the night had left me feeling completely disgusting. I stopped in my room to grab clothes, then headed into the bathroom.

~~~

It was nearly midnight, and I was completely exhausted. I was about to go to sleep when my phone buzzed.

It was Luke.

Hey

I felt myself smile a little.

Oh; hey

He responded.

Listen, Heather; about tonight...what happened?

The smile slipped off my face. I tried to find a way to put into words what was wrong with me, and I couldn't do it. Apparently I spent too much time thinking, because my phone buzzed again.

Heather? Please; I'm sorry, I know it's none of my business, but I'm just really worried about you.

My hands had started shaking again when I answered.

No, it is your business. I, well... it's anxiety, Luke. Social anxiety, I think; I'm not really sure. I've always been too scared to ask anyone.

I instantly regretted hitting "send." I waited there anxiously, getting more and more nervous every second he didn't reply. What was he going to think? I couldn't stand the thought of him leaving, but in that moment, I was sure he was going to be done with me. Why wouldn't he be?

He answered.

Heather..I'm so sorry.

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding in.

It's fine.

I wasn't sure how fine it actually was.

Don't you dare try to say that. It's not fine, and you know it.

I did know it. I replied:

Yeah..but it's okay, really. Other people have it much worse than I do; I'll manage.

I wasn't sure how well I was managing.

I don't care about other people, Heather! I care about you.

The first thought that popped into my head was "Liar." I didn't respond. After a couple minutes, my phone buzzed again.

I've messed up a lot, haven't I?

I quickly responded.

No; you haven't messed up anything. It's not your fault I'm not okay. I promise.

He replied:

No...there have been so many things I've said; I'm such an idiot. I should have known something was wrong.

I noticed that my hands weren't shaking as much as before.

Luke, people that I've known for years have never realized something was wrong; why should you have known?

He took noticeably longer to reply than usual.

I don't know..I still feel awful. I can't imagine how much stress I must have caused you.

It felt pretty odd; no one had ever known about this before, let alone apologized for it. Most people laughed and joked whenever I got anxious.

It's okay; really. You didn't know.

He replied:

Alright..but please tell me if I ever do it again, okay? A cheeky joke isn't worth you getting anxious.

I felt myself smile a little.

Okay. And question: what kind of Midwest teenager uses the word "cheeky"?

I was grateful when he went along with the change of subject.

What can I say? I'm a British boy at heart.

The smile on my face grew.

You should use that to your advantage. Girls love British boys.

He answered:

Including you?

I felt my face grow hot. Had I accidentally started flirting with him? I mentally slapped myself in the face. Before I could think of a way to respond, my phone buzzed again.

It's fine, Heather. I'm just messing with you. (Although even I know there's nothing better than a British boy ;) like who wouldn't sell their soul for one?)

I laughed a little.

Haha, true! You could use your British accent to pick up girls, probably.

I was a little nervous; was I joking too much? Was I being flirty? God, I hoped not.

Yeah, I wish it was that easy. Most girls don't want anything to do with me.

I couldn't believe that. I trusted what he said, but I have no idea why anyone wouldn't want something to do with him. He was an amazing person, he was absolutely hilarious, and his interests were all great (not to mention he was pretty good-looking, if I say so myself. Not that I was paying attention to that. Obviously.).

I replied:

Well, most girls are idiots, then. You're amazing.

After I hit "send," a wave of anxiety washed over me. What if he thought I was implying that I would want something to do with him? Yeah, he was my closest friend, but I didn't want him thinking I wanted more than friends.

It was a while before he answered.

Thank you, Heather. Even if I can't believe that. I don't think most girls are idiots at all; I wouldn't want anything to do with me, either.

Before then, I never would have imagined that a few short sentences could break my heart.