Something Big

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Shawn's POV

   As I'm sitting on my bed staring at myself in the mirror I can't help but think of the terrible thing I just did. Why? Why did I kiss Taylor? This is just going to ruin our friend ship. I'm not gay.. I can't be. My parent would kill me. They're so religious I feel like they'd stone me.

   *knock knock*

   "who is it?" I ask letting out a sigh.

   "It's Taylor." He says.

  I jump up a little. Why didn't he leave? What's he doing here? Why did he come up? I can't see him. Not after what I just did.

   "Um I'm naked don't come in." I say trying to make an accuse for him not to walk in.

   "Shawn I've seen you naked. Let me come in." He says.

   I get up and open the door. I kept my head down looking at the floor is disappointment.

   Taylor's POV

   I look at Shawn. He looks so sad. My poor baby boy. I just want to hug him and tell him everything's alright but I don't want to ruin everything.

   I walk to his bed and sit down. He does the same.

   "Shawn why did you kiss me?" I ask quietly. If his parents heard they'd kill him within a second no questions asked.

   "I-I don't know. I was confused ok? I thought I was being jealous over you because I liked you but I know now that it's because you're my best friend and I just want what's best for you." He says in one breath.

   "So you don't like me at all?" I ask.

   "No of course not. That's a sin..." He says looking out his door.

   "Shawn you know you can tell me anything you want. I won't judge you. We've been best friends since as long as I can remember and I wouldn't ditch you because you are different. I hope you feel the same about that." I say.

   "Yeah I wouldn't do that to you but no, I'm positive I'm straight. I like Lauren. In fact, I-I'm going on a date with her tomorrow night to patch up everything from tonight,and maybe you should do the same with Ashley." He says.

   "Yeah maybe. But she's not really my type. I rather go out and find someone who is than go out with her." I say kind of rudely and get up and walk out of his room into the bathroom.

   I can't believe after what happened tonight he still doesn't have the courage to admit that he loves me. I know he does. He would kiss me if he was straight and he wouldn't have thought he liked me if he was straight. His parent have him blinded. I need Shawn to see that he loves me and wants to be with me. Oh I sound psycho.

   I need some advice. I need to get out. I need to go out with someone so I can make sure I am gay..

   I look down at my phone and remember that my cousin Lisa is a lesbian. Ha, she's crazy but she'll know what to do.

Me: hey Lisa! I need some advice/help!

Lisa: have you finally come out? ((:

Me: what!! How did you know?

Lisa: it's my gaydar. It's A1. Just tell me what's up! I'm sure I can help you out.

Me: well I need help in knowing that I am for sure gay. Because I've never been with a guy... But I've kissed one...

Lisa: was it Shawn!!!!

Me: what? Ok have you been stalking me???

Lisa: I've seen the way you are with him and the way he is with you. You're clearly in love.

Me: I am. He isn't. Which confuses me because he kissed me.

Lisa: oh sweetie, some people just don't know as well as others that they're for sure gay. He's confused and doesn't know what to do with those feelings.

Me: well I'm confused too. I need to go out with a guy. On a date. A real date. Anyone in mind?

Lisa: I know this one guy. His name is Nash. Here's a pic.

Me: wow I love his eyes. Yeah sure! Set it up!

   I'm so glad I decided to do this. I can't wait for my date. This guy is good looking and I bet he's also so interesting. Before I do anything I have to tell Shawn I'm gay. He has to know.

   I get out of the bathroom and walk to Shawn's room again. I open the door to him with his head in his hands.

   "Hey Shawn. I have something to tell you, it's hard to say but I want to say it because you're my best friend and I know I can trust that you'll always be my friend... Right?" I ask shyly.

   "Of course Taylor. What is it?" He says.

   "I'm... Well I don't know for sure but... I ... I think ... Um ... I'm gay. I'm going on a date tomorrow with this guy since I've never really been with one but deep down I've never felt right with girls." I say.

   In the moment I felt scared and nervous and happy all at one. I'm happy I finally told him but I don't know what it's going to do for our relationship.

   "You're gay? You? Bad boy? The guy every girl wants? Wow. Well I have to say that's shocking. Oh... Oh I kissed you. I hope you don't thi---" I interrupt him.

   "Oh oh no no no. It just made me realize I can't pretend anymore. Thanks Shawn for understanding. I should go now." I say walking out of his room.

   I get into my car and just sit there for awhile. I know it's great to get all of that out but Shawn said to be that he doesn't like me and it kills me. I just hope my date with Nash tomorrow goes well.

   Something big I feel it happening. My life is about to change for the better. I thought my life was over but now it's going to be even more amazing than ever.

   When I get home I get my clothes ready for my date wth Nash tomorrow. I feel so amazing! I lay down on my bed and begin to think of what's in store for me. Now that I'm out to the most important person in my life I can finally be myself.

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Introducing Nash is awesome! He's so great. I love him. But will shaylor ever happen )): I sure hope so.

- me 💖💖💖💖💖💖

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