I can't do this alone (septiplier fanfic)

Chapter 15

1 year later
Jacks pov
  It's been 1 year, and I still haven't gotten help. My depressions getting worse, and my anxiety is going up the wall. Every night from 7 to 10, I go out to the pub or go to a field and cry about my pitiful life. I tell Mark I go to the therapist. I've been doing this for 1 year, and Mark doesn't suspect a thing. I put on a happy face for him, and he doesn't seem to notice the glimmer in my eyes as tears threaten to spill out. He doesn't notice what's on the inside, he only sees what's on the outside.
I feel bad, I feel like Mark has to baby me no matter what, because I'm weak. I don't deserve him, but I don't tell Mark these things. One night, I stopped going to the bar, my alcohol which is my therapist, for once, not like a year ago, i truly want to give up and getting alcohol isn't getting me anywhere. I stayed home that night, and Mark looked me in the eyes.
  "Why aren't you going to the therapist?" he asked me. he tilted his head and sat next to me, but i backed up a little. he didn't notice.
  "The therapist said that he thought I was healthy enough." Lie lie lie LIE. I've been more unstable than ever since last year, and there's no more controlling my thoughts, no more anchor to hold me down. I turned my head when I lied, I didn't want to look him in the eyes. He didn't notice.
  "J-Jack, are you serious? Did he say you were finally...ok?" I flinched at the words. Ok, what does that even mean? That you are better than yesterday? That the pain in the past somehow disappeared and suddenly your now ok? No, there needs to be a better word. Free, alive, words that describe someone who has survived something terrible.
  "Yes Mark, I'm...better now." Those words were so hard to get out. I know I'm not better, and I've accepted the fact I'll never be. 1 year slid down my face, but the others didn't fall. He didn't notice.
  "Jack, oh my god! I'm so proud of you!" He started laughing. He grabbed my hands and spun me around, and he danced with me. I was happy for a moment, then I realized why he's happy. He thinks I'm better, I'm happy, I'm not. He doesn't notice.
  I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased he lord. But you don't really cared for music do you?
  I was staring into his eyes, and he was staring into mine. I loved this man with my heart, I just wish I could express it more. On the other hand, Mark does everything for me. Why am I such a fuck up? We swayed for a bit, then he kissed me. I believe I was supposed to feel sparks, but I felt nothing. He didn't notice.
  It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift, the baffled king composing hallelujah
  Mark went to go get celebratory snacks and movies, for nothing. I cut just the other night, the last time I had a full nights sleep was 6 months ago, I'm skinnier than I've ever been before. When Mark holds me, I suppose he doesn't notice.
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
  I just want to break down and cry. Mark brings in the snacks and my favorite movie, deadpool. He pulls me back up and brings us to our now shared bedroom, he throws me on the bed and laugh, and I try to also muster up a laugh, but my throat is too hoarse. When he threw me on the bed, my sleeves rode up, showing all my cuts. I quickly pulled them back down, worried Mark saw. He didn't notice.
  Your faith was strong but you need proof, you saw him bathing on the roof. His beauty in the moonlight, overthrew you.
  We stayed like this for 2 hours, us cuddled up watching the movie. Mark was hoarding on all the snacks, eating everything in sight. Not like I minded though, I didn't plan on eating anyways. At one point, Mark asked me if I was hungry. I said no, and he just went back to watching the movie. I was squirming in hunger, but I couldn't let it show. He didn't notice.
  He tied you to a kitchen chair, he broke your thrown, he cut your hair, and from your lips he drew a Hallelujah
  After a congratulations make out session, we decided it was time for bed. We both climbed in and he kissed me goodnight, I said I loved him, and that was the one truth of tonight. I cried all night. Tossing and turning, I got no sleep. I thought Mark would hear me. He didn't notice.
  Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
  I couldn't take it anymore. All the lies, Mark trusting me, I just was too far gone and no one can fix me, and me dragging Mark into this isn't helping. I got out of bed, and threw on my hoodie and shoes. I wrote a letter, with tear stains lining the edges, making some words fade. I explained my lies, how I loved him and for him to continue without me because I wasn't worth his trouble. I ended on a sad note, but I guess that's how everything ends anyways. I was going to get in the car, but I'd rather walk. I walked to a cliff that was 15 minutes from our house, and I sat on the edge. Mark didn't notice.
    Maybe I have bee her before, I know this room; I have walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you.
  I stared at the midnight sky, and counted the stars. Mark always told me to count the stars, and that's how much he loved me. Tears silently trailed down my face and landed on my lap. The Ireland lights flickering in the background and the cars full of people. People, they have lives. Unlike me. They live, they love, they lose and get back up. I stay down and accept it. I take one last look around my surroundings. Cliff, ocean, street light street light street light, car, red car, building, Sky, stars, moon, love, life, grass. I turn back to the edge and get dangerously close.
  "J-Jack?" I turn around, and there was a sniffling, crying Mark. He noticed.
  I've seen your flag on the marble arch, love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
  Mark took a step forward, and I took a step back, stopping him. He sniffled again, and pulled out a sheet of paper. It was my paper, my suicide note. I couldn't tell if it was sadness or anger on his face, maybe both.
  "Just...why? I..I thought you over come this. That your so called therapist gave you the clear, where have you been going every night?." I had to think on this, so I decided to give a simple answer. I rolled up my sleeves, and Mark gasped, earning a tear from my eye.
  "I drink to forget but I always remember" I state.
  Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
  Mark took a step forward, I was going to take a step back, but that's where the ledge was.
"Just...just that if this is what you want, then at least let me tell you one last thing. Your leaving behind a bigger mess than you think. A big blubbering baby mess. You might think that when you jump, you'll be forgotten. Maybe by others, but not me. Jack I love you. And everyday and everynight I'll cry and wonder, what did I do that caused you to do this. B-but that's ok because you won't miss me and I'll just- just grief everyday and miss you and miss my best friend and my partner and my lover. And sooner than later I'll end up like you. And I'll know what you felt. And I'll be in the same situation as you right now but the difference will be is that I won't have somebody there trying to stop me. Jack, do you not realize how much I love you?" Mark dropped to his knees, crying in his hands.
  There was a time you let me know what's really going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you?
  He looked back up at me, tears barreling down his face, and deep down, that struck something. I don't know what it was, and I had never felt it before, but I know it was a good feeling. Each step, more water traveled down my own and Marks face. He stared at me in what could only be described as, well, awe. I took 3 steps closer, then I collapsed. I was shaking, holding my face. Why didn't I jump, why am I still here. Mark Mark Mark Mark MARK. I need him. He's my anchor, he can hold me down. Although it might not be forever, he'll be there for me when he can. I start out by just whispering his name, but I end up screaming. I try to crawl to him, but I'm too weak, too late.
  And I remember when I moved in you, the holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah.
  I felt a body come crashing down on me. It was Mark. He tackled me in a hug and kissed all over me. He kept on repeating how I was beautiful and too amazing to do something that bad. I hugged back, both of us crying. But this time, it was happy tears. I held onto him. Over the past year, I've barely gone out of the house, and did nothing. I was a ghost. I stared at Mark. I felt a change, a true change.
  "Mark, I wanna...I wanna walk... I wanna run, skip, shop, play, say hi to the neighbors, get a dog, make food, cuddle, kiss, stargaze, I wanna be with you, i want to.." I was getting quieter as I went on, Mark was smiling at me, a glimmer in his eyes.
  "I want to live...live, live, live, Live."
I could see Mark was happy, and I was exhilarated. I could feel emotions, I could feel. I leaned in and kissed Mark, and I felt sparks. Mark leaned in, my forehead resting on his.
  Mark spoke softly in my ear.
  "And I promise this time, I'll be with you, I'll live life with you, and I have a way of promising that." I was confused. Mark let go of me and stood up. He pulled a small box out of his jacket, and I gasped. Mark got down on one knee. He looked me in the eyes.
  "Sean William Mcloughlin, I've known you for so long and I've seen what you've been through, and it's sadness. If you will, can I be your happiness in what we call life? Jack, will you marry me?" I was baffled. He proposed to me? But this time, I had no doubt about if he loved me. I knew he loved me. I got up, uncapable of words, I nodded my head, repeatedly whispering yes. He put the diamond incrusted ring on my finger, we hugged, we kissed, we laughed, we danced.

Life is great.

Hello! This is the last chapter of the book sadly. I had a great idea which led to this 2000 word chapter which I call the end! I hope you enjoyed this book, and I can't believe how many views it got, I mean, 4000?! That's crazy! Thank you everyone for the support and great comments throughout the book, some even made my day. So now, I'm going to wrap up this story, and bid you farewell!