If You Do (Jackson)

Stay

the veins in your neck were swelling up so much you could feel your throat tighten, making you swallow shallowly. Your chest rose up and down, burning with anger as if it was a volcano, ready to burst. You felt your head getting dizzy from the emotions running through your trembling body and your teeth were gritting. You weren't even sad but tears were flowing down your cheeks anyway. Anger and crying usually went hand in hand with you. Sadness too, but not this time. You didn't feel even slightly sad or guilty from the words that were being thrown around your head.

'You've never accomplished anything in your life'

'You're useless'

'You should just get out'

'I'm not putting up with that shit from people like you'

Sure, those words hurt. But you were way too fed up with this person to let yourself believe them anymore. You were done. You knew you were right and no one could convince you otherwise. Not anymore.

'Fine.'

You grabbed your most important belongings and stuffed them in a bag. You were so over this shit. They wanted you to get out? Well they'll finally get what they fucking wished for this time. You didn't need this shit.

You were heading towards the door, ready to leave and never come back, not even looking back.

'Where do you think you're going!?'

You didn't say anything, you just swung the door open and let it slam shut behind you. You were officially homeless now, but you couldn't care less. You'd rather sleep on the street in a carton box than to spend one more second inside that mad house. You marched into the pitch black, ice cold night. The wind cut into your flesh, making your face bright red and the warm huffs of breath leaving your body changed into thick, grey clouds of steam, evaporating just as quick as they appeared. You fished your phone out of the pocket of your jacket and dialed the number you knew by memory. You heard the dial tone a few times and you closed your eyes, wishing you'd hear a voice.

'Hello? ____-?'

'Thank god, Jackson.'

'____-, are you okay? What's wrong?'

You were a bit puzzled by the question at first until you realized your voice had cracked when you spoke his name.

No.

You were not going to cry for this. Not this time.

Not this time.

'Jackson...'

'Where are you?'

'I'm on my way to your house.'

'I'll meet you halfway. Keep walking.'

'Okay.'

After a few minutes you saw a running figure approaching fast and you knew it was him. You let out a relieved sigh. As soon as he reached you, he took you into his arms and pressed you against his chest. The familiar smell and warmth of his body comforted you, so why were those tears streaming down your face again?

'Shhh. It's okay. I'm here now. I'm here.', he hushed.

You just let them pour against his chest and you hated yourself for it. You promised yourself you wouldn't cry for this. Not again, not anymore.

'The same old song again?'

You nodded your head in silence. He sighed and pulled you closer.

'Come on, let's go. You'll catch a cold.'

You still couldn't get any words out, so instead you took his hand and squeezed it. He squeezed back. You didn't need words to understand eachother. And thus you walked through the darkness together, hand in hand, silently.

'I'm not going back this time, Jackson.', you said, emotionless. He took off your jacket and hung it on his coathanger.

'____-... They're your parents.'

'I don't give a shit.'

Jackson looked at you with a worried expression. He could tell there was something different this time. You looked up at him and you could feel your tears stinging behind your eyes again. Damn it, will it ever stop?

'Jacks... please let me stay here?'

'Ofcourse, ____-, hey. You know i'm always here for you. You can stay as long as you like.'

'Thanks.', you whispered and you wrapped your arms around his waist and nuzzled your face against chest again to relish in his scent. It was the only thing that could calm you down in times like these. You needed him like you needed oxygen. 'I don't know what i'd do without you.'

He smiled slightly, kissing the crest of your head before laying his cheek to rest there.

'It's okay. I don't know what i would do without you either.', he softly said.

'But i'm only burdening you..'

You felt him shake his head in your hair.

'Don't say that.'

You squeezed him closer to you and you wished you could just disappear into him, because close was never close enough.

'Let's go to bed, it's late. I'll get you one of my shirts to sleep in.'

You nodded and waited for him to come back with one of his simple, black Tshirts, which was way too big for you ofcourse. You smiled at him when he handed you the shirt and retreated to the bathroom to put it on and freshen yourself up a bit. You walked towards Jackson's bedroom and you only now realized how exhausted you were. You nestled yourself in the covers when you heard a few knocks on the door.

'Can i?'

'Yeah sure, come in.'

Jackson walked over to you to tuck you in and place a kiss on your head.

' Sweet dreams,___-', he smiled his enchanting smile.

He turned around to leave and let you sleep but you quickly grabbed his hand.

'Where are you going?'

He looked confused.

'To go sleep on the couch?'

'Stay? Please? I really don't want to be alone right now.'

His cheeks flushed a bright pink but he didn't hesitate to crawl under the covers with you. You've been best friends for years but you never slept in the same bed together, although skinship wasn't anything new between you two. He laid down next to you on his side to spoon you, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. You held on to his arm and let the weariness take over, the pain and worries forgotten for a moment, inside the safe embrace of the most important person in your life.