Even If

The beginning

" and when that happens you don't know how to feel and you deal with it in a different way others would"... Joahanna's voice trails on but I wasn't listening. I just sit here on this leather couch staring at the white wall with a simple clock hanging on it. I just stare at the hands ticking away.
"Isaiah" Johanna snaps me out of my thoughts. I lower my eyes to look into hers. "Yes Johanna?"
" did you listen to a word I was saying?"
" of course I was Johanna, please continue" I reply to her with the sarcasm that wasn't so evident for her to recognise. So she does just that. Blabbering on about some stupid scenario that isn't occurring. Johanna is my shrink or psychiatrist, whatever you like to call the people that get paid to deal with the non existent problems people think they have. But it never works. These people get paid to listen to you and then tell you nonsense things that won't work. Johanna thinks that she can help me but God, I can't even help myself. How can you possibly try to help a person that isn't even willing to help themself? It doesn't work. But I do feel sorry for Johanna, I really do. She tries so hard to help me and I refuse to accept the help she's giving me. She tries so hard to understand me and my feelings, she says she's always there for me and I'm forever grateful for that. I know she can keep my secrets without thinking about it twice. I trust her. But she doesn't even know the full story to me, she doesn't know how my father died. Nobody really does. That's why she can't help me. She doesn't even know the full story to get through to me and try to help me. But I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't like to think about it. That's a dark place. I could see myself beginning to tell her one day but not anytime soon. I need more time to trust her with everything, with my past.
" alright Isaiah, you obviously aren't going to listen to me for the remaining ten minutes left and there is no point in trying if you're not going to listen and it doesn't look like your up for a conversation either, so why don't we finish up a little early?"
"Your such an idiot" the voices began. I was wondering where they went.
" I'm sorry for wasting your time today Johanna, I just don't feel like this right now"
" it's okay Isaiah, I understand, but next week you better be in a different mindset. I can't help you if you won't speak to me"
"I will" I promised and walked out with her. At the end of the hall we exchanged "see you next week's" as we went our separate ways. I waited for the elevator to come to the floor I was on as I leaned my head against a Window. I could see the city below me. New York is kind of amazing when you look at it from a skyscraper. A light familiar "ding" sounded and I turned around to get in. I pressed ground floor and waited for the elevator to take me back down to the world. When I'm in my sessions with Johanna it's like no one else exists. Nobody interrupts, you can't hear the loud traffic and all the crowds of people, that's why I kind of like it up here. As the elevator reached my floor I hop out and enter the lobby of the building. It's quite a bit room and very open. The chandeliers hanging from the ceiling give off a warm gentle feeling. I walk outside and let the cool air hit my face. I hate winter. It's cold and wet and makes it even harder to get out of bed in the morning. As I walk I get closer to my car parked just across the steet. I get in, turn it on and turn the heaters on straight away. This car drive should be fun.
*****
I get home and start on my homework straight away. I actually enjoy school, I do pretty well too. I get so caught up in concentrating I don't notice the knocking on my door for awhile. It was my mother.
" hey sweetie, I haven't seen you all day. How was your session?" My mother was one of the few people I have left. And I don't get to see her much either. She's a brain surgeon so she's always busy. Which leaves me in this huge house with the voices. They only come out sometimes, usually when I'm alone or stressed. And they can get out of hand so easily.
"It was good mom"
I hate lying you her but I just want to make her happy.
"That's so good to hear Isaiah. Ill get roasali to get started on dinner for you. I'll be back later tonight. Keep up with the homework but don't stay up all night okay?" She kisses me on she cheek and hugs me  tight. I hug her back. She gives me a quick smile and closes the door gently. Roasali is our maid. We have a few. It's hard for my mother to keep up with house work when she's so busy. I continue on with my homework. Tonight's going to be a long night.

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A/N
Hello lovelies! I hope you all enjoy this story! This is my first time writing a story of my own so I'm a little nervous about this. For the characters( because whenever I read a story I like to have a fair idea of what the character look like) Isaiah is going to be Shaun Mendez and renesmee who has not been introduced yet is going to be Alesha Herbert. Anywayyyyys happy reading and enjoy! :-) <3