Equinox

Chapter 11. Choice

11. Choice

Jabir has rolled onto his back again, but his breathing sounds much more normal; deep and even, no snoring.  I place my rucksack in the opposite corner and sit with my back against it, hugging my knees.  I cast my eyes around the cloakroom.  Jabir is an untidy occupant – his few possessions are scattered around him – a change of clothes, a small photograph in a frame, a CD jewel case containing a writeable CD with the initials Y.N. scrawled across in red marker but nothing nearby to play it with, and a few takeaway foil trays in a pile. 

I stare at the photograph.  It shows a little boy who could very well be a young Jabir standing between a couple who must surely be his parents.  Their clothes are strange – the boy is wearing shorts and tee-shirt, but his mother has a brightly coloured floral dress on and a huge matching scarf wrapped around her head.  Her face is lined but friendly, her nose broad and flat like mine.  His father is darker, slimmer, narrower about the face – the Jabir lying before me definitely favours his father in appearance.  They are standing on red, dusty ground, and behind them is a square dwelling of similar colour to the ground.  The doorway does not appear to have a door, but the edge of some sort of curtain material is visible just inside.  All of this, and the bright quality of the light in the picture, makes me think these people are African.  I wonder what Jabir is doing, alone in a foreign country without them.  Surely an only child in such a situation would be much loved – treasured, even.  What has befallen that happy-looking group?

The benefit of my earlier gluttony is already wearing off and his scent is becoming very attractive.  But with my nose pressed against my knees, the traces of soap from earlier assaulting my nostrils, I remain in control.  The longer I watch, the less I wish to hurt the boy, no matter how strong the pull of his blood.  And other alternatives have occurred to me.  The reason I have strayed into the city, have been re-learning control around humans, is the vague hope that one day I may find a suitable candidate, some young vampire to befriend, or even a human, if I was strong enough to attempt the transformation, who might one day become my mate.  As I watch his slumber, I wonder if Jabir could be the companion that I need.

The whole idea is fraught with difficulty, of course.  The venom works quickest if the candidate’s own blood is weakened – draining him to near death is the obvious way to achieve this.  Have I got the strength to stop?  Will my desire to keep him, my simple wish that he not be harmed, be enough to stay me?  And if I succeed, might he simply hate and fear me as I did my creator?  One thing I do know – if I do this, whomever I do it to, it will be their choice.  They will not be snatched from their lives and have this life thrust upon them as it was for me.

Outside, the sun rises and I can hear the rumble of traffic as the city begins to awaken.  The tiny rectangle around the door brightens and the light inside increases marginally – to Jabir’s weak human eyes, it will still appear pitch dark in this little cloakroom when he awakens.  But that tiny crack of light is enough to tell me that the day has dawned bright and sunny – whatever happens now, I am trapped here until nightfall.

Finally, Jabir begins to stir.  He rolls onto his side first and mumbles incoherently – some sort of dream, I suppose.  I try to remember what I used to dream about, but it was so long ago, I can’t be sure.  Maybe I dreamt about the life Nate used to conjure up for me.

With a jolt, I realise Jabir’s eyes have opened and are staring straight at me – but no.  It’s not possible for him to see me in this light.  After a few moments, he blinks a few times then pulls himself up so that he is sitting.  He fingers his sore head and gasps – from the pain or from the memory of last night?

“Grace?” he calls.  I hold my breath and remain silent.  I am sure he cannot see me, even though I am less than six feet from him.  “Grace!  Where are you?  Come out, I won’t hurt you.”