Chasing the Dragon

I

"Come on, get up." A calm and collected voice says as someone's lean arms wrap around my legs, taking off my shoes. I feel as if I've heard that silky voice numerous times before, but no matter how hard I try, I can't place it to a face, or even a name for that matter. Once they are finished with my shoes one of the said arms sneaks under my torso and I can feel the other one's fingers play with strands of my hair, which are stuck to my forehead and damped by the cold sweat.

After few tries, which demanded tremendous efforts, I finally manage to open my mismatched eyes. My vision is still incredibly blurry form my high, so it takes few extremely long seconds for me to make out the face of the owner of the voice. Pale faced man with piercing red eyes framed by his black hair stares back at me. He looks so familiar and I'm certain that I used to know who he is, yet I'm still unable to match the face before me with any name I know.

"Ciel, please." I hear the voice call my name silently and for a fleeting moment I wonder how does that man know it until suddenly everything - those worried crimson eyes looking down at me, that long black fringe, which almost touches my face, along with that velvet voice - clicks into it's respectful places. Sebastian. Out of all people how could I forget Sebastian and the love hate relationship that binds us?

"I'm okay, leave me alone." I force my throat to work even if I really don't posses the needed energy to do so. Sebastian's eyes soften a bit, he's relieved. It's almost funny to see such an expression on his face. After all, that man is the bastard who gets me drugs so I bet his consciousness is long gone. Yet whenever he sees me like this, or in a state of withdrawal, he pulls this face. This face which says that he's worried sick, that he's sorry. I simply don't get him.

"That's good." The taller man mutters. Somehow the soft smile on his lips makes me feel ashamed of getting high again. I don't get why I feel so, but this only leads me to wanting to find another needle and pierce the soft skin above my veins, or maybe find a little bag with snow white powder in it and snort it, so I could chase away the pain once more.

I can no longer feel anything beneath me so I presume that Sebastian is now carrying me, I also can't see where the said man is going as my field of vision is filled by his face. When I hear the doors open and my sight is taken over by white I understand what was his destination - the bathroom.

When Sebastian puts me down - he does so to be able to turn on the shower - I notice that the mirror cabinet, which was filled with drugs for Sebastian to sell from the moment I stepped into this apartment - about a year or two ago - and still was, if I remember correctly, before my high, is now open and completely empty. I feel my heart start to beat fast and a huge lump in my throat. The drugs in there were worth a shit ton of money and Sebastian's too greedy to let all that potential profit go to waste. He wouldn't throw them out. No. I can bet a thousand dollars that he only hid it. I know him too fucking well. After all, I've spent the last two years living with him.

Actually how we came about this living arrangement is nothing out of ordinary. If you don't count the drugs, that is.

I met Sebastian one day while I was taking a stroll through the dirtiest part of the city in which I used to live. I was feeling down in the slumps that day - my parents had recently died and at the time I was living with my annoying, yet caring aunt Angelina - and I think that the awful aura surrounding me was Sebastian's reason for approaching me. I think he saw a potential addict, a person who sought the escape from reality, no matter in what shape or form it came. He first gave me a little sample - "A little something to brighten your day" he said - and that little bit was more than enough to get me hooked on heroin and then I ended up buying a bit more 'just to see if it makes me feel better again' and never stopping again. At first, just like I said, I bought only heroin, but it didn't take long before I quit being choosy and bought any kind of prescription medicine that Sebastian had.

The rest of our so called story happened after I already became a drug addict, so I don't remember that much of it. If those muddled images can even be called memories, that is.

Well anyways, I remember buying drugs from him numerous times, obviously, until we fucked one night. That night we were both looking for a release and somehow one thing led to another until the deed was done. Truth to be told, it was my first time with a man, but I couldn't say that I didn't enjoy it. I remember us becoming fuck buddies, and me spending countless nights in his bed. There's a huge gap after this, but I can still make out aunt Angelina's eyes clouding over and the blank stare in them, after she found out that I was a junkie.

From then on things get even cloudier.

There's this as if a picture of me leaving aunt Angelina's house - after I could no longer stand the way she looked at me whenever our eyes met - and me somehow ending up at Sebastian's apartment. Then him deciding to let me stay for a short while, just until I find my own place, and us ending up fucking that night. Then the said short stay turning into a permanent one. There's also the one of me noticing the locked mirror cabinet and soon finding out what's in it.

Somewhere between Sebastian fucking me senseless almost every night, and him finding me during one of my worst withdrawals - the said man racing to the mirror cabinet, unlocking it and then searching until he found the desirable liquid substance and a syringe, returning to my side, filling the said sharp object with the sweet nectar and finally stabbing it into my vein, right where the needle fits perfectly, pushing the heroin into my bloodstream and ultimately the dragon wishing away all of my sorrows and pain - we became lovers.

Sebastian pulling off my indigo blue t-shirt, wet from my sweat, and throwing it to the ground brings me back to the present. Soon my skinny jeans and boxers follow, leaving me completely naked in front of the man. Sebastian picks me up once more and places me right under the shower head, causing the freezing cold liquid to rain down on me. I start to tremble while begging him with my eyes to turn it off, but the water still falls on me and he continues to stare at me with a stone cold expression on his face.

Once this treatment is done I end up in our bed. I don't remember walking on my own so Sebastian probably carried me to the said piece of furniture. It doesn't take long until sleep takes over my eyes and my mind goes blank.