Can You Keep a Secret?

Chapter 19 "Redemption"

I'm Sakura Mikan. I'm nineteen years old, but I haven't celebrated my nineteenth birthday yet because I slept through it. That was three days ago. I woke up a day ago, but the last thing I remember was three years ago.

Okay.

I think those are the easiest to believe.

Next.

I just got promoted for CEO at Flame's Sapporo branch, even though I just worked for flame for about six months. I was engaged to Flame's President, we broke up before I met my accident. My accident was because of Takato and notSumire. Because she and I are in semi-good terms.

Semi-good terms.

GOD, WHAT DIMENSION HAVE I WOKEN UP INTO?

It must be the end of the world. I'm in heaven, right?

If I had a track list to remember in case I have amnesia, I would remind myself to never say never.

"You have retrograde amnesia," the doctor once said after a check-up. I remember my mother's face being drained of blood.

She asks for me, holding my hand tightly. "What does that mean, doc?"

The doctor looks up from his notes and looks at us with an unreadable expression. There is a slight strain in his eyes and he looked like he didn't want to break it to us any longer. "Retrograde amnesia is a form of amnesia resulting from brain injury in which the individual loses memories for the time period just prior to the injury." He turned towards me with an empty smile. "It looks to me, Miss Sakura, that you've bumped your head pretty hard when you've had that accident about three weeks ago."

I said nothing.

I mean, what was I supposed to say? "Oh, doc! It's okay! I can have amnesia all I want, I don't mind!"

I suddenly want to scoff at people who wish to have amnesia and pity those who do. It's like waking up with a hangover. When you know something happened the night before, but you can't remember anything. Like, there's this huge black hole in your mind and no matter how hard you try to draw it away, it's there.

It's not moving.

It's eating you up.

Whole.

It was shortly after the doctor left when my mother spoke, playing with something in her hands. A bracelet, I think. She does that when she's nervous – playing with stuff, I mean.

"Natsume's coming over later in the evening," she said silently. "I'm going to pick some clothes so I'll have to leave the two of you alone. You're okay with that, right?"

I feel a sudden wave of confusion go through me.

"Who?" I asked dumbly.

Realization struck my mother's face. Right. She had just forgotten that her daughter was diagnosed with severe brain damage.

"He's …" she paused for a while, looked at me and looked away again. "You two were kinda engaged."

And that's kinda pretty much what happened the whole day. But then again, who am I to conclude when the day isn't even over yet?

I shuffle in my bed, restlessness taking over. I was supposed to be sleeping, but every time the nurses come to visit my room, I pretend to be asleep so that they won't put me to sleep. I just … feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. (Yeah, like I'm going to catch up being locked inside this confined room.)

I slowly sat up, feeling throbbing in my head. Judging from when the sun had set about an hour ago, it must be evening right? God, I'm so bored.

I look from side to side and concentrate. I don't seem to hear nurses approaching …