Can You Keep a Secret?

Chapter 16 "Alpha"

I awoke from the worst dream I have ever had in my entire life. I dreamed that after all those days and nights of denial, after trying all possible things to keep my feelings away, I finally told Natsume how I felt about him. I finally admitted to him that I loved him with all my heart. For the first time in my life, I felt the kind of magic people felt in the movies. I felt the feeling people wrote stories about – and I felt that when he kissed me.

At that time, during the kiss, all I wanted was for time to stop. All I wished for is me for have a remote control to all of this and with some way I could feel the magic forever – only to find out that the magic never existed. And I realized that the moment I felt his strong hands pushing me away, and the moment I heard his deep voice shouting at me; telling me repeatedly to get out of his sight.

And that, too, is when I realized that it wasn't a dream at all.

I looked at the dim light from outside peeping inside my hotel room. I slowly stood up, shoving the blue-green curtains away as I began to look down and watch the busy streets of Tokyo.

It was early in the morning on a Sunday, but nothing ever changed. There were still lots of people, going to here and there, exchanging glances with each other while talking with somebody on the phone and carrying designer bags in their hands. As I said, they were busy.

I glanced at the digital clock on my bedside table, closing my eyes for a moment. Although I haven't seen my reflection yet, I knew how badly swollen my eyes looked from all the crying I did last night.

Six forty-five, the clock read. I briefly turned my head towards the brown manila envelope Natsume handed over to me last night to work on, but being the professional that I was, I haven't really read one bit of it yet.

I know, I know. He asked me to do it ASAP, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. Well, because everything about that envelope reminded me of what I didn't want to remember.

Suddenly, I wished for that remote control all over again, but not for the same reason. If I did have that remote control, I would use it to rewind everything to the day that I accepted that letter from Flame. I shouldn't have been bold. I should have listened to my mother's worried reminders and warnings. If only I could talk to her now... though I knew very well that I couldn't.

I received five missed calls from Misaki-senpai last night along with several text messages asking me over and over if I did it and what happened. I didn't have the courage to answer her now nor tell her that it was never going to work out, so I locked my phone away and every once in a while I would hear it beep inside the drawers.

I sighed and headed to the bathroom. It was going to be a long shower.

It was three hours after that I finally decided to get up and take a walk. There was no freaking use if I sulked all day so better yet enjoy the beautiful day outside.

I sighed and looked up at the sky, my hands dug deep in my pockets. It was now December and winter season was on its way. The shops were decorated with Christmas trees and poinsettias and different Santa Claus figurines. Even though Christmas was still three weeks far from today, people are already starting to window shop – deciding on what to give the love of their lives for Christmas.

The love of their lives.

I paused. Ah, HOLY MACARONI. Seriously, must everything be connected to that insensitive, absurd boss of mine?

And why do I even care anyway? He's just a guy. I mean there are lots of guys out there that are presidents of famous companies, charming, knows how to paint, smart, has prefect jet-black hair, has those same shade of red in their eyes and...