obvservations ;

josh dun // 12:15am

josh dun, a boy with a c major smile and beautiful hazel eyes that tell a story. he loves his mom more than he loves his own life, he loves his family, he loves tyler.

tyler is his best friend, as far as we know, they could be more, they could be less. all we can do is assume.

remember when i said that his eyes tell a story, sometimes they aren't pleasant stories, josh is scared. he's scared and he doesnt want to communicate that.

i think him as a boy who has a refreshing laugh and smile, a boy who saved my life. but i dont know him personally, even though he is my muse.

josh used to look so happy and refreshed he loved the small venues he loved the amount of the attention the band was getting. he loved going off on his drums, slamming the hollow circles sealed with plastic, he loved it, he'd laugh all the time and he'd communicate all the time with us. he loved doing it with his best friend.

he's drained now, the boy who's traveling the world, the boy who drums in front of sold-out crowds filled with people who adore him. he's so drained he relies on caffeine and god knows what else. he doesnt communicate anymore, even though ive tried to convince myself that he does and he tries, he just doesnt. he's doing it just to do it.

the signs have always been there from what i've seen. the fidgeting, the red swollen eyes, sometimes he doesnt even talk at all. hes hurting he cant take it anymore. its just gotten worse ever since theyve become international.

i imagine him sometimes, in a hotel room with that black sweatshirt on, his eyes red, the bags under his eyes seem like they are holding him down, he's still got his shoes and his jeans on. he's looking at his phone, his hazel eyes fixated on the screen, with his fingers near his lips. hes skimming, through social media looking at what people say calling him stuff, disrespecting him, making him uncomfortable and fidget. he also skims over the people wishing him well and hoping, praying that he's alright. he likes that, he smiles a little bit and closes the app(s)

he goes through his messages, scrolling through the "im glad youre alive" messages from his mom and siblings, he sighs a little and turns the device off. hes scaring himself, he doesn't know how long he can deal. he doesnt want to let anyone down, he doesnt want to fail anyone.

josh dun is my muse, and he's in pain, im sorry josh im sorry i cant do anything, i love you with all ive got. id miss you so.

i dont know though, thats only what i see.

thanks