Unsaid

Pain

this is a type of pain I've never felt before.

i'm numb to the core and the tears are falling past my control.
my body shakes and quivers and I can't tell if my heart is racing or if it's stopped.
maybe it's just shattered into millions of pieces to the point where any type of repair will take ages.
my head aches and my thoughts are too much to comprehend.

i needed him.

he was the one who stood by my side when everyone else turned against me.

i admired him.

he was the one who brought me out of my shell and allowed me to expand my thoughts.

i loved him.

he was the one who gave me feelings I'd never felt before, ones I couldn't put into words.
and I never did.
but now it's too late.

the pain began the second I read those words.
"i need to talk to you."
no good thing has ever come from those words. you were asking what I thought and how I felt. but we both know that it was going to be your decision. that's how things always work.
that's how they used to work.

it's almost funny how we when used to joke around and you said you'd break up with me and I'd respond with "if it makes you happy"
because here we are now, and you're telling me your tired of lying, and I'm telling you I don't know what to think and I don't want to think because inside I know that your mind is already made up.
but I can tell that you're hurting and I never want to see you hurt. i want to see you happy. even if that means hurting myself.

letting you go isn't easy. not after all we've gone through together. you were the first person in my life that I completely trusted. the first person to make me feel beautiful and special and important. even in the final moments of our relationship you promised that you'd always care for me.

but where do I turn to when the person I need the most is no longer an option? right now I lay here in tears, feeling heartbroken and the only one I want to talk to is you.

this is a type of pain I've never felt before.