Photograph // H.S

Chapter 5

Sarah's POV

I don't know how I survived it, but I did. I invited him to my apartment when I was all alone. I made him my special and also had a great time talking to him. It all seems so surreal. 

I, unintentionally invited him in. It was something I had never done before. 

Inviting a complete stranger to your house.

 For a moment, I felt like I have forgotten my ethics. Things I had learnt the hard way from my past in Pakistan.

People judged me over and over again so I slowly started distancing myself from every human being my age. By the age of 7, when my dad married another woman I had no friends. I didn't invite anyone to my house in fear of being accused of a gori's (White woman) child in front of them. It felt horrible. 

One time, I remember watching my cousins, planning to go out late at night all dressed up. They informed their parents that they had some shopping to do for Eid. I decided to join them since I didn't want to be left out. Some of them were nice to me even though they rarely expressed it. 

I dressed up nicely with some makeup on just like them and wore my scarf, covering my head. It was elegant not like theirs all glittery and according to the trend, as they might say. 

Not that I was complaining, I like how I looked.

Just when I made my way towards the living lounge where all of my cousins were gathered, I heard my phupos and aunties telling their daughters to keep away from me and make as little conversation with me as possible. One of the cousins, who I still hate, was telling them, how shamelessly I had dressed up to go out with them. How tight my shirt was? How I am gonna take my scarf off as soon as they reach the market? How much makeup I had on to attract the boys at the stores for some discount?

I hid behind the wall where I wasn't visible in the dark and listened to their taunts for 15 minutes before my father found me. 

I told him I had a stomach ache and couldn't go out with the rest of the family tonight. After everyone was gone, even my annoying aunties.....I made my way to my room and cried myself to sleep.

But now that I am away from their loud mouths, I decided to loosen up a bit. I decided to make friends, live up to the trend and occasionally got out to enjoy with people who really care about me. I have never once in my life forgotten what they had said to me. And the only way to prove them wrong was to never cross the line, I had set for myself. 

I have never forgotten what they had taught me even if it was to humiliate me. 

I didn't want a tag me a girl who went wild because she had no mother or because her mother was a white woman. 

I want to be called the girl who lived up to her dream, helped her father in the time of need and never disgraced her family's name, whatsoever. 

And truthfully, I think I have never tainted myself and never will. My father even though, did much wrong to me, but at least he gave me his name. He took me in. He loved me as a daughter. He wasn't really there for me every time I needed him, but I wanted to show him that when all these greedy little mouths that praise him all day long, leave him. I will be there for him. 

I will prosper in his eyes when that day comes and the rest will shrink. 

I didn't need his money. I needed a family and he seemed like the only one I had. I didn't trust my mother after what she did years ago..

I sighed, cleaning up my place a bit since it was a mess. After I was done with the major clean out, I decided to wash the dishes. 

I smiled seeing the cup in which I had my brownie and slowly scrubbed it clean. As I placed all of my utensils to their respective place, I notice one of my cup missing. I had six cups in total. Since I was the only one living here. I got them in a bunch.