Abused (#MLWattysAward))

Chapter 5-Suffer

The video above really describes this book in a way. I didn't get inspiration from this but I like this song a lot. In fact I am listening to it right now. It is called silent lscream. I really love this song.

I was currently doing a photoshoot. I tried my best to look happy, to put a simple smile on my face. I hated my new schedule. I missed going to a public school. Every other night or so I visited Marinette as Chat Noir. She really lifted my spirits.

Halfway through the photo shoot, I saw Marinette and a boy walking through the park. They were holding hands, too! No one touches my princess! I loved Mari. I'm not sure that she knew that. I haven't kissed her since that first time. I thought she loved me back.
We were on break, so I dissapeared turning into Chat Noir. I came up behind Marinette and put my hands on her eyes. "Guess who?" I asked.

"Chat noir? What are you doing here? Nathaniel and I are on a date." She said turning around.

"Oh sorry princess. I won't bother you anymore." I put on a smile masking my feelings. I wanted to cry so bad. I love so many people, but no one has ever loved me back. Has she just been toying with my feelings? Did she care for me at all? I can't stand her being with another boy. I hid around a corner and released my transformation. I stayed there for a while.

I heard Marinette laugh nervously,"Don't worry about that alley cat. He means nothing to me." Nothing?! I mean nothing? I thought for once I found someone who cares about me. I realized I was wrong. The world just loved torturing me didn't it? All I wanted was love?! Was that so hard to get?

I had to get back to my photoshoot. I hid the tears threatening to escape my eyes, and tried to look happy. This wasn't a problem for me. I was used to masking my pain. My suffering. We finished up early, so I got to leave early. Marinette and Nathaniel were still here, making out on a park bench. I envied that guy. He had everything I didn't. I let the place sour and unhappy. I walked home. I was still in public. The more I thought about the situation the more I wanted to cry. To relieve my stress. Pressure was building up in my head quickly. I punched  the nearest wall with as much force as I could. It was bleeding and blistered. Father was going to be furious. Frankly, I didn't care. I went to me room skipping dinner. Plagg came out of my bag.

"Look, kid. I know your suffering, but you can't just punch a brick wall." I stared at Plagg.

"Why not? It wouldn't matter to anyone. No one cares about me. No one ever will." I started crying. "I poured out my feelings to someone who I thought loved me. Who actually cares about me! But no! The cruel world mocks me. She likes another guy. She says I don't mean anything to her! What is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? I do everything anyone wants me to! I hate this. I hate life! I hate me! It isn't worth it anymore!" I sobbed loudly into my hands. "Find a new Chat Noir. I'm not good enough to be him. Make sure to take care of the guy." I took my ring off and handed it to Plagg. "I don't want to do this anymore. I just can't. Go! Now! I can't make you happy. Just go." My voice got quieter. I took the picture of my mom and stared at it. Why did you have to leave? None of this would have happened if you stayed home. I even encouraged her to go. I'm such an idiot! I clutched the picture to my chest. I cried all night. It didn't relieve my stress. I knew what I was going to do tomorrow.

I couldn't sleep a wink last night. Plagg was still here. I didn't have enough strength to tell him to leave again. I wrote a good bye note to the world. No one was going to read it. I didn't care. Plagg left. Hopefully to get a better superhero then me. I walked to the bridge on the Seine river.

I looked at my reflection. Saw my ugly scars. Saw my terrible self. I jumped over the bridge letting myself sink in the water. I wanted to end myself as soon as possible. I breathed in water flooding my lungs. I was going slowly. As long as I left I was happy. I felt someone wrap their arms around me and brought me to the surface. It was ladybug. I coughed up the water. My throat stung, and I felt weak. Plagg was next to her. He told her. She knows I am Chat Noir now.

"Stop saving me! I don't want it." I screamed. My voice sounded very screechy so the yell sounded like a dying horse. I pushed her away. Almost jumping back into the water. She grabbed me again.

"Stop trying to kill yourself! What happened? You can talk to me!" She scolded.

"I mean nothing to you. I mean nothing to everyone! Stop making me suffer and let me do it." I tried to push her away but she held tight.

"I care about you Adrian!" She tried to hug me.

I pushed her away more forcefully this time. "Do not play around with me, Ladybug! I am sick of this game." I started crying again. "You said I mean nothing to you. You crushed me. You are dating that Nathaniel. You don't need me around."

"Adrian! I meant that you and I  aren't dating. I wanted to tell him that we weren't anything special." She was crying now.

"Thanks for saying it at my face! Go away! Let me be! If I want to die, let me do it!" I screamed.

"No! I won't."

"No one loves me. I loved you. You couldn't love me back. I thought I could trust you to hold my heart but I was so wrong. You crushed it even more just when I thought I was healing. Life won't let me be happy." I ran away from her. I ran into an alley and collapsed. Why don't you love me? Why? I found a pointy object and cut my arm. I made it bleed heavily. Maybe bleeding to death would work. I did it to my other arm. It hurt but not as much as my emotional pain. No even close. Ladybug found me and wrapped bandages around my arm. "Stop it! Let me die already! I hate you!" She hugged me tightly. I couldn't fight back so I just sat there bawling my eyes out. She wouldn't let me. All this life wanted for me was to SUFFER.

A/N: I cried writing this chapter. In a way I felt like I was displaying my feelings. Don't worry about me though. I'm okay. Guys. Don't harm yourself. This is just a story. Remember there are always people who love you, no matter how what'd you try to convince yourself. There is always someone out there. I can guarantee it. I love you guys! I hope you had a fantastic day! Thanks for the reads! I almost have 50 reads on the first chapter! A record breaker!
Remember live, love, learn!!!
Signing off, ~Epic