iris [on hold]

➵ five

"so what's your favorite song?" he asks, casually.

It had been two days since fierce pursuit they had gotten into. They casually sat at the edge of the bridge. Him, tormenting his health, puffing smoke and her, wondering if all she'd ever be was the vapor produced by the cancer stick; toxic to the lungs and always fading from view.

"I don't have one." she replied, naturally skipping the details of how the devil at home had wrecked her ipod, stomping and crushing it, months ago.

"hm, favorite movie?"

"what? are you interviewing me now?" she inquires.

He smiles, "no, i just want to get to kno-."

"not worth it."

"huh?"

"I said, it's not worth it." she repeated slowly, agitation seeping through her teeth.

She wished he realized the danger territory he was trying to cross, and hoped he'd soon notice the 'caution, do not cross' signs that barricaded her being. There was a reason the walls she, -oh so tirelessly- built were sky-scraping high. Inside, there was a revolt, uprising from every corner of her heart, and the fire would soon cremate her skin and bones to ashes, alas, she already did feel her soul being burnt alive.

He glanced over to her, as if he was reading her thoughts, before whispering the words she dreaded the most,

"what are you scared of?"

She flinched, as the letters slowly floated through the air, resting upon her shoulders. She had never anticipated that question, and it caught her off guard.

She instinctively stood up, and started walking, she didn't know why or where, but her senses had suddenly been triggered and all she wanted to do was dissipate like the smoke she was.

"iris, wait," She heard a voice behind her, she stopped in her track, but didn't turn around, "you can't keep running away forever."

Her life had always been a notebook of unanswered questions, nothing ever happened for a reason. And right then, she couldn't find a single cause for her palpitating heart. So she slowly distanced herself from him, like she had done, all her life.

* * * * * * *

"iris, honey, we need to talk."

Traditionally, she should've been alarmed by the words that slipped out of her mother's mouth, but perhaps time truly had the power to alter people. She blankly looked over her.

"The school administrator called," her heart slumped, she knew what was next, "honey, why haven't you been attending your classes?."

She looks up to see the saddest set of blue eyes staring at her, she quickly averts her gaze. Her mother didn't say anything, probably choosing the next string of words, carefully.

"I know things aren't so great," -a short pause,- "but don't let that affect your academics," her mother meekly said, studying her face, as if she was expecting a likely outburst. Perhaps, she would've if she wasn't feeling so light-headed, so she simply nodded.

She started to feel her knees going weak, the world around her seemed to be spinning at top speed. She hurried to her bed, and crashed, slowly feeling her energy draining. The lingering sleepless nights had finally taken a toll on her as she passed out, with a single question whirling around her mind,

what was she scared of?

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a/n: so I've decided to add a note to every chapter except the first and the last. Thus, to those who've already read, chapter 4 has been updated. Again, thanks for the wonderful comments!  I adore them to death. (oh, the irony)

fast fact:  Tobacco kills around 6 million people each year. More than 5 million of those deaths are the result of direct tobacco use while more than 600 000 are the result of non-smokers being exposed to second-hand smoke.

Note to all the smokers and people with addictions:  I know this is your choice, and you have the right to live your life as you please, and I'm not here to criticize your decision. I'm just hear to talk about it, the final decision, of course, is up to you.

To me, there are two reasons you've gotten into this unhealthy habit;

 a. Social Integration/ Peer Pressure- people around you told you to, everyone's doing it, why should you miss out on the fun?  And now, its a terrible addiction you can't just shake off.

b. Stress & Depression-  It could be a social or economical issue; a failed marriage, homelessness, unemployment or lacking behind in academics, all of them can lead to taking up this unhealthy habit.

But the thing is, this habit of yours has your throat in its clutches, and with every intake, the grip gets tighter and tighter. What you're risking right now is not only your health, but the chance to witness your graduation, birthdays, marriage, kids; the possibility of your life getting better.  Are you willing to risk all that? Just for a goddamn puff? You be the judge here.

I know the problem here is that you can't just magically stop now, even if you want to. I get it. But its never impossible to stop. Its a slow process, decreasing one by one, but you can do this.
No one wants to go through cancer or any other health problems, you're lucky enough to be healthy, why voluntarily sacrifice your life?
Do it for yourself, your friends and family because only you can. And I know you can. x