iris [on hold]

➵ six

It felt like the whole world was a stage, and she was the main lead; except she hated attention. As she walked through the doors of the prison, she could sense curious eyes upon her. She let out a sigh, and got ready to dress herself with a smile, because alas, her flawless public facade veiled her inner despair.

She went up to her locker, quietly collecting her books, and went straight to class. It wasn't like anyone had noticed her absence or bothered enough to care anyway. She was a shadow in the class, a part where light -or attention- would never reach and she was perfectly fine with that. She calmly took her seat at the furthest end, patiently waiting for the teacher to arrive. So far, everything seemed steady, in her control, or so she thought. Before she knew it,  Monica was standing in front of her. She clenched her fist, she knew what was next.

"welcome back, creep."

She had been through this enough to know that remaining silent was the best option she had. Any attempts of comeback would only lead to regret.

"what's the matter, freak? Can't find your filthy tongue?"

It wasn't worth it, she kept telling herself, taking deep breaths. Miraculously, Mr. Green appeared out of the blue, and she couldn't be more relieved. She sighed, knowing how she couldn't always get this lucky. It was going to be a long day.

* * * * * *

As she walked in, she found herself playing out the same old routine she did every single day. Her siblings arguing over something that she couldn't care less about, with her mother in the kitchen, faintly humming. It was times like this when she started to choke back her tears, wondering how life would be if everything was always like this; normal. Oh how she wished her little brothers and sister could go to school, and lead a simple innocent life like they were supposed to, or how her mother could regain the gleam in her eyes she adored so much. But alas, their lives were nothing but tainted by the very hands that gave them a life to live.

"Dear, there was a letter for you today," her mother reaches over to give her an envelope, halting the train of her thoughts, "you're lucky I took it before Owen saw it."

She nodded her head, silently expressing her gratitude, and took the letter to her room. To say she was confused, would be an understatement. She couldn't think of a single person who it could possibly be from, since she never had one addressed to her.

After she took a shower, she laid on her bed, curiously starting to open the envelope. She carefully took out the paper inside, held it gently with both hands, and noticed the cursive handwriting in ink.

'Of all the beautiful curves on your body, your smile is my favorite. ;) "

She was absolutely sure it was a mistake, it could not be for her. She flipped the page,

'Sorry about yesterday.'

Her heartbeat started to accelerate as she felt her cheeks heating up. She didn't know why, but she was smiling.

.

.

It didn't last for long.

Seconds later, did a realization hit her.

He didn't mean it.

She stared at the words intently. Of course, they were just letters arranged to achieve meaning, but she was so sure they were nothing but jumbled up words that lied straight to her face. She despised herself and the scars that decorated her body and every single thing that involved the slightest bit of her being. She loathed being in her own skin.

The words couldn't possibly be true, she thought.

Her? And pretty? Not even on the day the earth disintegrated by the showering stars.

And the saddest part was, she knew she'd never be.

She just f*cking knew it.

  ❄ ❆ ❄ ❆ ❄ ❆ ❄ ❆  

a/n:  I am so sorry for being so late with the update. A close family member (my cat) recently passed away and I am still trying to cope with it. 

How wonderful it is to have a companion who loves you unconditionally, with no pre-conditions? Guys, if any one of you have a pet, do me a favor and give them a little more love on my behalf; hug them a little tighter tonight, and please take care of them. So you don't have to go through the hell I'm going through right now.

fast fact: 90% of teens unhappy with body shape. 7 in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or don't measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members.  

Note to people with low self-esteem: 

REPEAT AFTER ME-

"There is nothing wrong with me. I am who I am, and I will love myself despite the ease with which i lean toward the opposite."

You are allowed to love yourself because there is nothing wrong with your body, your scars, your sketch marks, your curves or you. In the society we live in, you will be criticized if you're too fat, and you'll be criticized if you're too thin, it is impossible to satisfy everyone, but please remember that you aren't supposed to change yourself because somebody else doesn't like it.   As long as you're healthy and taking care of your body, you are enough. Your weight does NOT define your self-worth. Size tags are nothing but letters from the alphabet. And do know that when someone tells you you're beautiful, believe me, they are not lying.

This body is yours, and the only opinion that matters is yours.  You have to accept your body because it's the only place you have to live in.  You do not have to love every single thing about it, but you have to be comfortable in it. 

We are all humans and we are meant to be imperfect and beautiful and complex. Do not take yourself for granted. Stop sitting in the passenger seat of your life, when you were destined to take the wheel.

And please remember this; "You should be a priority; not an option, back up plan or a last resort."