Nothing Less

v

"I'm only a friend for four reasons. I'll change because of one."

v - I'm imperfect

Tell me, have you forgotten about your wish? In the first reason you moved on, you told me you had one and said "... it would have been my wish to tell you three words... 'I love you.'" Ever since the end of your overall fifth reason, I assumed you've forgotten about it after six months. But maybe it's that every time you see me, you can't help but be reminded of it, and how much of a nuisance I've become to you.

You hate me now that you think your feelings are unrequited. You keep assuming things. Just like me.

Maybe like you, I have a wish, too: to show this world who I really am. I'm imperfect for a reason--my wish is the reason. I was created this way. And perhaps, if I'm supposed to show this world how imperfect I am, it's simply for them to help me get through the tough times.

I'm only a friend and although I have my explanations for being one, it does nothing but make me two-faced. Honestly, yes, I am distracted from thinking about my insecurities when I'm with my friends. But I don't think that kind of distraction is good for me. That insecure, imperfect me is myself--the definition of me. And if being a friend means keeping my insecurities hidden to the point where I don't feel like I'm "myself," I want to change.

That being said, more or less than a friend, the people have to know the real me... so they can help me learn to live with my insecurities, and maybe teach me to accept myself as a person.

I may be scared that everyone will be unsatisfied with the truth, but it needs to be let loose. I'll face my fear of being scared for you, Rin.

I'm willing to tilt the friendship scale so the universe can see me for me. If I can go back or forth, there's the possibility that I can smile even more than when I was a friend. A true, honest smile that let's me know everyone can respect who I am.

However, the fact that I had four reasons to explain why I'm a friend was unnecessary. All I really needed was just this one. You only need to know that I want to change and be myself. Not look in the mirror everyday and stare at a fake. I'm not afraid to deal with my insecurities and unsatisfaction if it means being me and being accepted.

Rin, I know you moved on from loving me, and you did because you thought I wouldn't feel the same. But if I were to change, would you be willing to run back?

Out of all my friends (and though I say everyone's equal), I feel like I know you above them all. You're emotional (practically 95% tears and 5% smiles!), a bit sensitive, a wannabe rebel, but a total goody two-shoes. I understand you perfectly.

If I'm really predictable and you know every word I'm going to say, did you ever predict I'd say this?

I love you, too, Rin.

I mean it with all my heart. I will put you before me, I will think about my needs and wants, but also yours, too. I won't give you up for anything in the world because you are and will be my top priority.

"I fell in love with you for four reasons. I moved on because of one."

That was your story. This is mine. Let's continue to make it ours.

Reason one we can be more than friends is because I understand you.