The Past Doesn't Cover Secrets

It wasn't your decision

Tuesday 12:05am LA Beach

Floating in the water in my underwear has made me sober a little bit. James is holding me cautiously to show me that he respects my limits. "Ariana, I want to tell you something, but first I want to ask you something." I nod to James' question. "I know the majority of your past and stuff, but you don't know all of me. Do you want to be able to know?" he whispers in my ear. "Of course James! You are my best friend and also my yet to come boyfriend. You know all the crap in my life. Now I want to know yours," I respond cheerily.

"My life has always been decent! It has always been me, Olive, Maurizio my big brother that you still have to meet and my twin brother Zack. We were such a cheerful family. I was in middle school and I wasn't much the popular kid. Maurizio was the geek of the house. He was brilliant and at all times read books. He would go to many academic Olympics to represent the school. Olivia always lead the class and she was elected class president throughout Middle School and High School. Zack was the popular athlete kid. All the girls wanted him and all the guys wanted to be his friend. He was the star of the basketball team. The thing was that I didn't shine like my brothers and sister. They were always better than me in everything. I was just the average kid that had a musical talent. My dad always said that music was a waste of time that I should be like Zack playing sports. He always compared me to him. And for that I despised Zack," he pauses for a second to retain tears.

"It wasn't his fault, but it felt like it was. I always tried to made his life impossible by pranks and other stuff. That's when I found apparently my role when I started my first year in High school. Being a jock! I didn't care at all for my grades and used girls all the time. Zack advised me to stop; that I was going too far. There is where I exploded. I told him all I felt and in the end I told him I hated him. The next day I heard my brother past away in a car accident due to excess of alcohol. Since that night everything changed." He stops and looks away. I could perceive he was sobbing.

"James, I won't tell you it wasn't your fault because I know you have heard it many times, but you need to know that it wasn't your decision to get him drunk. It was his," I whispered. "That is not what my dad said. Both of my parents changed completely. Olivia and Maurizio forgave me, but not my parents. After that my dad sent me off with his sister. That is where Hollywood Arts was presented to me. His sister was one of the teachers in this school and she put me there. And look at me now!" He gives me a big warm smile. "Thanks James! I know it is not easy to talk about the past," I thank him. "The thing is that I just craved for telling you because I want you to be in my future and for that you need to know my past," he says sweetly. His lips meet mine and I can't remember next! And no we didn't have sex. It was just an expression.

Robert's Penthouse 12:08am

"Ariana Rivera, how do you come at this late time of the night?" Roberto hassles with a firm attitude. "Robby, I was with James. Don't worry about it. Don't be a party pooper..." I whine melodramatically. "Ariana, you have school tomorrow. You need to sleep early," James responds. I just give him a kiss in the cheek and walk to my room.

Today has been very weird. I just feel so bad for Olive. It is my fault she is like that. I swear if it is Richard I personally will kill him. I am sick of him ruining my life. Without him I could be so happy right now. Talking about ruining, George didn't take very well the news of the abortion of our baby, Regina. I should've told him before. You know what? I am going to call him right now.

Call starts

"Ariana, what do you want?" George stresses.

"George meet me at Robert's. I need to talk to you. I don't want to fight with you anymore."

There was a long silence.

"Fine, I will be there on 5 minutes."

He hangs up.

I don't care how much I have to sleep today. I really have to solve this out. Although I don't see George as my love anymore I still love him as a friend. He is a great guy and I don't want to ruin our friendship. Plus, I think Summer and George could be a great couple and I want peace for all of us.

I hear a gentle knock in the front. I open it slowly not wanting to make many noise. "Come in," I whisper with a sincere grin. He gives a nod and lays down in the sofa. "So tell me why on Earth you decided to hide the fact you killed our baby? Wait no! Why did you kill it without even telling me before you did it? I could have been a good father. I know it would have changed stuff, but it would have united us and who knows maybe we would have ended married. Oh Ariana you don't know how much I loved you. And I still do. I know you love James, but I just wish how things were before," he sobs.

"George, I was young and popular. We had sex and we were not very careful. I wasn't ready and I was scared. I thought you would've dumped me and in that time I didn't know what to do without you. So I decided to abort the baby for the good of our popularity and our love. Do I regret it? Yes, but now I can't do anything about it. George I just want to be friends with you. I don't want more enemies than I already do have. Just please forgive me," I beg.

"Ariana first answer this for me. How can you ask for forgiveness if you haven't forgiven yourself? You seriously don't want enemies, but you are your own enemy. You hate yourself, Ariana. Stop looking in the past! I am sick of you cutting your skin off. I know you have had a terrible life, but have you seen mine? My own father punched the hell of out of me every day just because I wasn't good enough. Then one day he killed my mother in front of my eyes when I was just 13 years old. They put him in jail and I was a foster kid. Then some people adopted me, but they were a family full of thugs. They made me do illegal stuff all the time. Thank God now I moved into another apartment by my own. I am just sick of you thinking you are the only one who has done bad stuff. I had to sell drugs and even get rid of people. You should wake up! I forgive you, but please do me a favor and forgive yourself. Just do it. Do whatever it takes to love yourself again," he says. He pecks my cheek and walks out.

I think he is right. I have to do all it takes. It is now or nothing. How can I love anybody if I still despise every inch of this scrawny body? I might be considering moving to Puerto Rico with my brother. Maybe I can forgive myself and be able to be free of my past. I need to get rid of my wages and walk into the future. I need to do it for all my friends, for Robert, James and specially for me.