Start From Scratch (Sequel To Why Me???)

It's My Fault...No, Mine!

My face, and body are drenched in sweat, and I'm clutching the sheets. Hard. I glance around the room that I'm in, realizing that it's not my office. I've never been in this room before, and I don't know where I am. The curtains that cover the floor-length windows are black, with tiny flowers made along the rims. There's a small sofa, and a square coffee table lying in one corner. Beside this furniture is a door that I'm assuming leads to a bathroom. I'm sitting on a king-size bed, with turquoise colored sheets.
"Liam, I think she's awake! I heard her yelling. Goddammit, Louis, get this fucking thing off me!" Harry yells, and I hear heavy footsteps thudding against the floor outside. A second later, the door bursts open and a tied up Harry walks in. His hands and feet are tied up with rope. Harry's hoping, trying his level best to reach me as fast as he can. I look at him, wanting to laugh. However, I can't. There's a huge lump in my throat, and I feel sick.
"Bell, finally!" Harry sighs, smiling and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "I know this isn't the best time and other things come first - like your well being - but could you please open these knots." Harry holds out his hands. I nod my head, and start to untie the tight knots that bind his hands together. As I'm opening them, I realize that my hands are shaking. They're sweaty, and shaking. I look up from underneath my lashes to see if Harry has noticed them. Judging by his expression, I know he has. The door bursts open, and Louis and Liam enter the room.
"Thank the lords, you're awake!" Liam exclaims, holding his hands upward. I smile at him, and his smile turns upside down. "What's wrong, Bella?" I shake my head, getting back to work. From the corner of my eyes I can tell that Liam, Louis and Harry are having a silent conversation, with their eyes.
"Um...Louis, let's go." Liam says, as soon as I've opened the last knot, and the ropes fall to the ground.
"Bell, we'll check up on you later." Louis says, giving me a small wave and then they both exit the room, shutting the door behind them. I shift backwards, and lean against the headboard, pulling my knees to my chest. I wrap my arms around them, and place my head on my knees.
"Bell, we need to talk." Harry says, untying the ropes that bind his feet.
"Honestly, I'm pretty sick of our talks, since they lead us nowhere. So can we just cut the crap and remain quiet," I say. I know I sound rude, but I don't want to. I don't want to have a discussion, or a 'talk' with Harry either.
"No, we can't." Harry's patient tone sends chills down my spine.
"You can't force me to talk to you about anything!" I snap, deciding to leave the room and save my breath. However, the minute my feet touch the cold, wood tiles a flaring pain shoots through them. I look down to find my legs bare. I'm not wearing any pants, just an underwear. I'm wearing a large sweatshirt that falls till my thighs. A white gauze is wrapped around my right leg, very near the ankle, but it's yellowing from the inside.
"Did I miss something?" I ask, looking up at Harry. He's towering over me, holding out a glass of water. I take it, realizing I'm quenched.
"Bella, did you know that you sleepwalk?" Harry says, taking a seat beside me and staring at my gauze-wrapped leg. I shake my head, chugging down the water. "Well, you do and sleepwalking isn't the safest...habit in the world." He fiddles with the necklaces around his neck, not meeting my gaze. "You got up in the middle of the night and I was sleeping, so I didn't hear you get out of bed and unlock the door." Harry smiles sheepishly, still not meeting my gaze. "You started going down the stairs and your foot slipped." He murmurs something and then looks up at me with pain-filled eyes. "Bella, you tumbled down. I came out of the room and that's what I saw. I saw you rolling down, moaning in pain. But I didn't make it down in time." Harry shakes his head. "I caught up to you when you were already lying on the last step, unconscious."
"Harry, it's okay. I'm okay." I assure him, placing my hand over his. He shakes his head, grimacing.
"No, you're not. There's a bandage around your head, your arm, and your leg." I take the hand that's not encompassing Harry's and feel the bandage around my head. Next, my eyes wander over my arms. I can't see a bandage on my arm. Harry knows what I'm doing, so he further pushes up the sweatshirt's sleeves, and that's when I see it. Another white gauze is tied around my arm, above my elbow.
"No pain, Harry. I feel no pain, honest." I say, looking up at him. "What's a hurt if I don't even feel the pain?" I let out a short laugh, but it's cut short because I start choking.
"I'll get more water." Harry starts to get up, but I tug at his arm, shaking my head.
"I'm...fine." I say, my voice a little hoarse. I clear my throat and smile for Harry's sake. He looks at me skeptically, but sits back down.
"You can blame yourself for my cuts, but I can't blame myself for your injuries?" Harry says, his green gaze never leaving mine. I shake my head, refusing to let him take the blame for what happened to me.
"Harry, it's just not the same." I insist. "If I would've known that you were capable of doing that" - I point to his arms - "I would've never told you." Harry narrows his eyes and frowns.
"Bella, you're telling me that you would have not told me about myself? My real self?"
"Harry-"
"This is what I hate most about my memory loss, I have to rely on others for everything that I did. I need to shape myself into a person that I was, but am not anymore. It sucks, Bella! The person - the Harry that I used to be - doesn't sound like a nice guy, and I don't want to be him. I don't want to be Liam's apprentice and learn the art of shooting someone if he doesn't pay us on time. I want to be an architect and build tall, unique buildings." Harry's standing now, his hands flying everywhere. "But nobody let's me. They want me to be the old Harry, a person I don't want to be." He turns to face me, and his face is asking me for answers. Answers to questions unknown. Answers that I can't give him.
"Oh, Harry," I murmur. "I didn't know...I'm sorry." Harry waves his hand in the air, dismissing my apology and loss for words.
"You don't have to. After all, you haven't been in my shoes." Harry chuckles, but it's a meaningless chuckle; a hollow and deep chuckle.
"I have to because I, too, have been forcing you to be a guy who you're not. I am so, so sorry for that, Harry." He turns around and looks at me with an emotion that I can't explain in words.
"Bell, you're what makes me want to live this life." Harry whispers and if the room wasn't so quiet, I wouldn't have heard him. "You're the reason why I'm not taking my life by making these cuts deeper and closer to my veins." Harry holds out both of his hands. "You've no idea just how tough these past couple of months have been. Every second hurts, and it hurts like a bitch." I don't know what to say. I didn't know this. "Your photos, your recorded voice, your smile...these are the reasons why I smile when I do." He comes toward me, and crouches down near my feet. Harry begins tracing imaginary circles on my thighs. "Bell, you're the only one who I know loves me even as this new Harry. Yes, we had a fight and broke up, but I know that deep down you still love me."
"Of course I do," I say. I cup Harry's face in my hands, and he leans his face toward my right palm. "Harry, no matter what you do, no matter how badly you treat me, I'll still love you. That's bad," I chuckle. "It's very bad because this means that I'll never be able to move on. Never find another guy, have children, grow old and knit sweaters for my grand-kids." Harry looks up at me, and raises an eyebrow, smiling.
"Bella, you're not planning on having kids with me?" Harry asks.
"Not at the rate that we're going."
"Then we'll change the direction in which we're headed." Harry gets up, and leans toward me, enveloping my lips in a kiss that's filled with need, longing and passion. I lean backwards, slowly lowering my back onto the bed, and Harry follows. He's straddling me now, as I tug at his hair.
"I forgot how good this feels." Harry murmurs, never pulling back.