✓ | 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟 ( 𝗿𝘂𝗰𝗮𝘀. )

TWELVE.

a/n: about a year ago today, i joined wattpad !! *cue streamers and party hats*

i'm so glad the universe decided to steer me into the direction of this gmw fandom. i'm so glad rucas exists and i get to write stories about them. i'm so glad for all my friends i've made because of wattpad. i don't think i could ever thank the world enough.

thank you for an amazing 365 days. thank you for giving my books a chance. i love you all, thanks for a crazy year, and here's to many more.

. . .

riley matthews
I never knew what true pain felt like until I saw Lucas Friar walking down the school halls with his arm tightly wound around Maya's waist.

She was indubitably glowing from every angle and for some odd reason it made me mad. It made my blood boil with rage and hatred for the one person who I thought I could have never possibly hated. And for why? For why was I so mad at my best friend's happiness? For why was I so goddamn selfish that I couldn't possible let Maya have someone good in her life for once? Even if that someone was Lucas Friar.

Jealousy and envy over a particular person was something I never did quite understand, but as I watched the two of them walking down the hallway, it had finally struck me that perhaps I did know envy─ I did understand it. Perhaps it just came in very subtle ways, but nonetheless was always present. The realisation dawned on me a lot slower than I was willing to admit but the subsiding pain didn't hurt less in any way.

I was jealous of my own best friend.

Since when was that even a thing? Why did my goddamn stupid insecurities have to ruin everything? They always did. They always do. Stupid Riley Matthews and her stupid feelings and her stupid selfishness and her stupid--

"Hey."

It was the sound of his calming voice that somehow snapped me out of my muddled thoughts and for a moment, nothing in the world could have possibly seemed stupid. Not even me. That is, until my eyes finally land on him and I realise he still has his arm wrapped around Maya and then everything suddenly just seems so goddamn stupid stupid stupid stupid.

It was the worst form of contradictory.

"Hi," I mumbled quietly, eyes searching around the hallway desperately to look at anything else besides his firm arm grasped around Maya's petite waist. Unfortunately, everyone walking by seemed to have their eyes averted towards Maya and Lucas, making it merely impossible for me to pretend that this wasn't happening. That the boy I liked was with my best friend. That I was in an uncontrollable amount of pain because of that same stupid boy. That my best friend didn't even bother to notice ... but that it wasn't even my her fault. It was all mine.

I stole a glance at Maya, her observing eyes already staring back into mine. Although, it didn't seem like she was staring directly at me. Rather, her eyes were cloudy, gazing right through me as if I was some ghost.

Maya was always the one to talk, never to observe. And yet here she was, completely silent as her piercing eyes narrowed slightly. It took no genius to realise that she was deep in thought again. I wondered what a perfect girl like her had to think about. I wondered if it had anything to do with me.