Before I Began To Grow

Chapter Ten

Sherlock felt himself melt into the kiss for a couple of seconds, before he realised what was actually happening. He tore his lips from John's and stumbled away, his lips buzzing. 

''What-What was that?'' Sherlock gasped, completely out of breath.

John frowned at Sherlock, obviously hurt. ''I thought...I thought that's what you wanted!'' 

Sherlock just gaped at John, his fast breaths slowing down. ''Well...of course I do...but, John...I just...I can't...I don't...''

John felt a lump jump into his throat. This was not how he had pictured Sherlock once he kissed him. There were no sparks, there was no feeling of passion between them. Only Sherlock fretting and confused and John left feeling like crap.

''You don't, what?'' John asked, his voice devoid of any excitement he had felt. 

Sherlock hung his head and shrugged. ''I love you...I love you so much. But, there's so much between us. You're always shouting at me. We're always fighting...I don't want that.'' Sherlock lifted his gaze. ''I just want you. I want you and me and happiness. I just want to be happy after all these years.''

John stepped towards Sherlock again. He tried gulping down the tears, but a few spilled out. He reached forward and took Sherlock's hand. ''If I say sorry...c-could you forgive me for everything? Because...I want to be happy too, Sherlock. I want you. Everything about you.'' John raised his hand to Sherlock's cheek. He wiped away some of the detective's tears. ''You. Your eyes. Your laugh. Your voice. Your personality. Your smart. Your pain. Your heart. I want...you, Sherlock. I love you.''

Sherlock laughed, tears slipping down his face. He raised his own hand to John's face. ''John...'' He uttered softly, almost not believing what was happening.

John moved himself even closer to Sherlock. ''And, I am sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you alone. I'm sorry for calling you those things because...I always knew at the bottom of my heart that I loved you..and I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I called you names that would mean you wouldn't be able to love me. And...I was so wrong to. None of this needed to happen. It's..It's my fault and I am so sorry, Sherlock.'' John sobbed, his hand gripping Sherlock's.

Sherlock smiled sadly at John. ''Then, I'm sorry for leaving you and making you think that I was dead. You deserved answers...and, honestly...I should've given them to you quicker.''

John looked right into Sherlock's eyes. ''You're forgiven.''

Sherlock smiled again. ''So are you.''

John smiled a small bit. ''Can I...kiss you?''

Sherlock drew in a deep breath. ''That sounds...very nice.''

John grinned and reached up on tip-toe to kiss Sherlock. Instantly, Sherlock met John's lips. Their lips moved in perfect sync and the moment was too good. It was so satisfying as Sherlock wrapped his long arms around John, and as John twisted his hands into Sherlock's curly locks.

Once they were done, they pulled apart, gasping for air. They both were grinning like complete idiots, but neither cared. Sherlock leaned his forehead against John's and shut his eyes, sighing deeply. ''I missed you.''

John kissed Sherlock on the cheek. making Sherlock open his eyes again. ''I missed you, too.''

Sherlock pulled John into a hug, burying his face in John's neck. ''Let's keep doing things like that, and stop with the fighting.''

John laughed and hugged Sherlock back. ''Agreed...and in the midst of all this love..'' John pulled away from Sherlock, smirking. ''We forgot that there's a murderer on the floor right beside us.''