the tie that binds. lh ; mc.

dos.

Michael's pushing the shopping cart along the grocery isle, his eyes hooded and vision blurred as he struggles to stay awake.

It was just after three in the morning when Michael had decided he was going to leave the house and do something productive due to his inability to sleep.

Insomnia was a bitch.

His sweater sleeves are bunched up over his freezing cold hands as they clutch onto the handle of the cart, eyes running over all the different types of asparagus on the shelf. Who the fuck even needs that many types of asparagus? Why the fuck would you spend an extra two dollars on the organic stuff?

Someone beside him clears his throat, humming, "You know, you've been staring at that exact spot for about ten minutes, dude."

Michael turns his head to see Ashton's unruly hair sticking up every which way. He's wearing dark grey sweats and a black long sleeved shirt, his collarbones on display.

If Ashton wasn't straight or taken, Michael would climb him like a tree.

"I don't even like asparagus," Michael barks out a laugh, his smile wide.

"I did have a feeling, when Calum said he was in a relationship." Ashton says, scratching the back of his neck, "I couldn't think of anyone else willing to put up with his shit."

Michael rolls his eyes fondly, his heartrate picking up a little bit as he thinks about who Ashton might tell, when he leaves the store he'll probably let everyone know that Michael is back and he's not quite sure how to deal with that yet.

"How have you been?" Ashton asks eventually, picking up a fresh lettuce and staring at it as if to say 'Who the fuck eats this shit? It just tastes like water anyway.', before setting it back down.

"I've been okay," Michael says truthfully, continuing walking up the aisle towards the fruit, "I've enrolled in college so it keeps me busy all day, hence why I'm here at this hour shopping for shit we probably don't even need. How are you? How's Ashley?"

"We've both been good, finally moved out of our shitty house and got a good place in a good part of town. I don't think our neighbours like me too much, they're all rich and business people and when they see me walking around like a thug it pisses them off." Ashton laughs and Michael laughs with him, because Ashton's laugh is contagious and refreshing.

Michael picks up a pack of strawberries and throws them in his cart, "Well, I'm glad. Care to explain to me what you're doing here at this time of the morning?"

Ashton shrugs, "I needed painkillers, I broke a rib falling ass over face drunk a couple of weeks ago and it's still sore as fuck. Ash was sick of my whining and kicked me out of bed, so I thought I should probably go and get something for it."

"She doesn't put up with any shit," Michael grins, "probably told you to stop being a pussy and fuck off, am I right?"

Ashton nods his head, "The woman doesn't have a filter, man. Calls me every name possible. Remind me again why I love her?"

Michael hums, choosing not to reply to Ashton, "So how's stuff down at the club?"

"It's okay, I guess." Ashton says, scratching the back of his neck, "Zayn left a few weeks after you did and Oliver left last week. We need new guys down there, money isn't coming in the same as it was before."

Michael can sympathise, and he leans over to rub Ashton's arm as if to say everything will get better.

Michael stops himself before he can ask how Luke is. He tells himself he doesn't want to know.

"Luke is doing okay, too." Ashton's words make Michael suck in a sharp breath, as if Ashton had been reading his mind.

"That's good. I'm glad he's doing good, he deserves that." Michael glances up to the large clock on the wall next to the cash registers and sighs, "I need to get my stuff and get home in case Calum wakes up and he worries. Tell Ash to get in touch I really want to see her."

Ashton smiles this big, dazzling smile and he pulls Michael in for a hug which Michael returns.

They let go and Ashton smiles again, "It was good to see you again Mike, if you ever need anything please just come and see me."

Michael just nods, "I will, now go and get your pain killers and get some sleep."

And with that Ashton's off and something pangs in his chest that reminds him of the loneliness.

-----

"Mum I promise I'm okay," Michael tries his hardest to put on a brave, unwavering voice for his mum but it's hard to when you're crying and your nose is running.

"But you're not, baby. I know you well enough to know you're not okay, dammit Michael I'm your mother I've known you all your life. Just tell me what's wrong." And his mum sounds angry as well as hurt that Michael won't tell her what's going on.

"Mum, I'm just trying to adjust. It's hard and I'm stressed out but I'm okay. You've just called on a bad day." Michael sighs, wiping at his wet eyes.

"If being down there isn't doing you good then please just come home." His mum begs and Michael can hear the strain in her voice.

"I'm just lonely. I'm just frightened to get in contact with old friends in case they let Luke catch wind of me being here." Michael admits, bouncing in his seat a little.

The aging woman sighs, "I'm sure the boy is over whatever happened, Mikey. I know it's you who's not over it, and I know it's hard but you need to try. Calum is a good boy and he's trying his best for you, he loves you I can tell."

"I know, mum. I have to go anyway I'll speak to you soon, I love you."

He hangs up before his mother can say anything back.

-----

Calum wraps his arms around Michael, pulling their bodies closer together under the covers.

Michael feels safe. Michael feels loved.

"I really love you, Mikey." Calum sighs, voice so quiet it's almost a whisper, words breathed along Michael's skin, creating goosebumps on his pale shoulder.

"I love you too, Cal." Michael cringes internally as the words leave his mouth because he's not too sure yet if he even believes what he's saying.

"I'm gonna be here for you as long as you want me, okay? I know you're still struggling, and if you ever feel like this is too much you just say the word. Just know that I love you now and I'll still love you if this ends. I'm not going anywhere no matter what." Calum sounds so sincere that it makes Michael want to vomit, and he hates how he's so selfish to keep Calum when he doesn't want him as much as he wants Luke.

He doesn't deserve Calum, not at all. He's a terrible person.

"Cal, stop. I'm yours, okay? I'm yours." He lied through his teeth and he hates how fluent the words sound rolling off his tongue.

Calum leans up and kisses his head, squeezing him tighter as he slowly drifts to sleep.

Michael doesn't know how much longer he can do this for. Pretending to love someone as much as they love him so that he's not left alone.

+++++

chapter two is here and its a total filler, i apologise. but the good stuff is coming hella soon i promise!

updates on this fic will probably be sporadic, so i'm not going to promise certain days in which i'll update, but i can promise i'll try my hardest to get the new chapters up as fast as i can.

let me know what you think!xo