Mental illness.
Those two words can cripple a person, can destroy families and can take away a person's entire life. That label causes people to be dismissed completely. It's like you did something horrible and the truth is that you've done nothing. There is such astigmatism around being 'mentally ill' that if you are able to cope without people catching on to the fact that you are, you don't tell anyone. It's not like living with diabetes. You have diabetes those around you may know and while they'd help you with any issues you might have they don't think badly or worry about you doing something wrong because of it. You can't say that for people with any form of mental illness. Even those fighting off depression get labeled as mentally ill and people hearing mentally ill assume the absolute worst thing they could conger up. It's a tough life to live and it's tough for a family as well.
Families start to blame each other for the cause of it and they start fighting amongst themselves. If it wasn't for the strength that my parents found and the grace of Margo who was there when the times got rough, and they did get rough, I do not believe that there relationship would not have made it intact. When mother noticed something wasn't quite right with Lysandra I was still a toddler. She was making baby talk, but she wasn't acknowledging people around her. That wasn't quite true. She acknowledged my existence. In fact, I was her first word. I became her protector and I was her only link. She learned to talk, quite well in fact, but mainly it was to herself or to people no one else saw. The only difference was that sometimes, mainly around meals, she would talk to and fuss over me like absolutely nothing was wrong. It was in those glimpses that our family found hope that maybe she'd get better. It was that desire to help her through it that kept us pushing with her. It was the hope that she gave us all when she looked to me and the desire to get better that made us push. Truthfully, it was that hope that she had gave that pushed me now to make sure that she wasn't just put away now.
I took one long last look at the two caskets set in the ground ready to be covered over. For the first time I realized that there were men waiting to close the graves completely and were just being respectful enough to give me my time. I took a deep breath and looked to them, “Thank you” I said, though I wasn't sure they heard me. I saw one nod out as I turned and walked to my car. Opening the door I took a deep breath and slid in and sent a quick text to Margo.
::Leaving Cemetery going to see Lys be there soon::
I drove to the hospital noticing the trees as I went. Summer was ending and autumn would soon be stealing the green from the leaves, though no one seemed to care that the green would be away. They lost the lush green of summer, but were delighted with the fiery colors of fall and that seemed to make it alright even though those beautiful colors would burn out to empty branches and a cold hard winter. No one seemed to think that far when the green slipped from the trees. It was funny because I always thought of that. I always saw the green leaving as a sign of work and rough patches ahead. I'd have leaves to rake, then snow to contend with and that cold that chilled you to the bone.
Those thoughts of the upcoming winter stayed with me as I reached the hospital. I walked in and headed to the ICU. It had been a few days and the nurses were getting used to me. One that I had seen before walked over touching my arm, “She woke up today... but she was very upset. We had to sedate her.”
I turned looking to her, “Upset?”
She nodded her ponytail swaying as she did so, “She was calling for you, for another... we didn't know the name... she was trying to rip her tubing out. Her blood pressure spiked and the doctor became concerned at her reaction to the stress.”
He just moved to the room faster now. He saw her so sedated and so confused laying there. He reached taking her hand and gave it a squeeze, “I'm sorry Lys, I'm sorry for leaving you when you needed me. I told you I'd come back...”
He felt a squeeze, she could hear him. Her head flopped to face him and he saw they had intubated her. They had removed it before he looked to the nurse who followed him in, “She was panicking and the sedation we gave her risked her breathing... we needed to get her unconscious before she hurt herself and this is just to ensure she keeps breathing”
He looked so hurt as he looked to her. He kept letting her down. He reached a hand up to stroke her hair back. It was matted down. She always fussed over her hair; hers and his. He sighed, “When can it come out?”
“When she can be awake, stable and calm in the bed,” the nurse explained.
He nodded, “is there any way we can change your restrictions on visits then? Not...” he saw her looking concerned, “not the number of visitors, but more the time... we have someone that works for the family. She stays with her in the day and I can stay with her until she sleeps. That would keep her calm and in bed”
“I'd have to speak with the doctor, those things aren't usually allowed” she said softly, “but I will see what I can do”
“We won't get in the way, we won't interrupt care, we've done it once before, just not in an ICU. How much longer will she be here?”
The nurse looked to him, “She was supposed to be going out tomorrow, this may set it back. We need her vitals regulated and they were off the charts this afternoon.”
Xander nodded, “I will stay with her and then have my replacement come in... we will make sure she stays calm to keep regulated.” he rubbed the back of his sister's hand with his thumb. Taking his hand back from his sister a moment he reached for his phone again.
::Lys had a problem - staying here. Give my apologies, not making repast::
The message was sent to Margo and he shut his phone off. He'd stay where he was, he couldn't do any good at the repast, but at least here he was helping his sister. Here he could help.
