Thoughts

My Own Mind

Sometimes I wish it was easier to determine how I feel at certain points in time.
Am I happy? No.
Sad? No.
Angry? No.
I don't want to live.
But I don't want to die.
Really, I would prefer it either way. But I don't want it either way.
Can't you see? I don't know what I want.
I don't know how to handle life.
So, I don't want to live it.
But I enjoy it.
I contradict myself with each thought I have on the matter.
Random thoughts.
Meaningless specks in the pool of my mind.
These thoughts don't matter.
Or do they?
In all honesty, I don't understand what I'm saying.
Everything is grey.
I don't agree with anything I say, and I don't disagree.
My problem?
I can't make up my own damn mind.
But I don't want to let anyone in.
I want help, but I refuse it.
I'm fine.
But I'm not.
But I might be.
But I'm not sure.
Again, I can't make up my mind.
I read too far in to my own thoughts.
Is it bad? Maybe.
Good? Maybe.
The problem once again:
I DON'T KNOW.
Get me out of my mind..