The Alice Effect

Waking up had always the most exciting experience for me.

I never knew if I would wake up to the boring, dreary sky of London, smog and clouds above me, or to the wondrous sky I had departed from, only seconds ago. When I was younger, when the dreams first came to me, I would never wake up to the elation and pure bliss that my little world left me with. My eyes would fall upon the dark sky outside, a numb feeling settle in my stomach - one that would sit there for the remainder of the day. The change in attitude was sudden, very quick, and hardly permanent.

Days in the realm of reality left me feeling heavy and naked, tearing at any hopes of pleasure for that day. The only satisfaction I gained from my time in the real world was preparing for bed. Preparing for my arrival. I would tidy myself up, smiles lighting up my otherwise dull features. Fleeting kisses and lullabies would be given to me as parting gifts; my brain would hum as I would drift. I slowly closed my eyes and sighed, floating off,

Until I had found Wonderland.

As I grew older, most children lost their spark and luster. Their dreams lay in simple things like tending to houses full of children or chasing the skirts of younger girls with beauty as fast as autumn leaves. Mine only grew finer, more absolute with age. I only wished to look at the blue, pulsing sky of Wonderland, with the mystical creatures flitting about, certain mad men drinking tea by the pint. This miniature quest of mine left me jaded and angry with the displeasure of the real world. I craved only the beauty and freedom that Wonderland brought to me. My age seemed to reinforce this one, pure wish of mine. Because one morning, I woke up to discover I was not in your world, but in a world of my own creation.

Days went by, nights of wondrous sleep, but I hadn't gone to Wonderland during the day again. I assumed it to be a failing of some sort of divine power, and had just about given up hope, when I was welcomed back during the daylight.

This time, I stayed much longer than during any other time there. When I came to, worried, terrified faces surrounded me. My sister clutched at my hand desperately when my eyes fluttered open, my mother sobbing into my father's shoulder when I croaked out my first words in what was apparently weeks. The horrified looks on my families faces when I relayed this story to them tore at my heart, making me feel barren inside. I promised myself at that moment that I would never venture to Wonderland again.

My wish seemed to be ignored as when my eyes began to drift close, Wonderland was closer than ever. There was no familiar falling sensation as I was moved through realms of imagination. Wonderland was just... there. Behind my eyelids as I lay in my dark room, creeping closer with every weary blink.

My time there that night was eerie. The loud, happy space I had come to know was now quiet and void of cheer. Creatures would sulk about, their wings falling, lacking their flitter. The odd inhabitants of the world moped about, dragging their feet, pausing to glance at me as I passed. Hatter and Hare lay asleep at the tea table while the little Door Mouse scrambled about, shrieking and crying about shoestrings and a lack of butter.

Even my venture through the forest, to the castle, sent a quiver up from toes and through every bone in my body until it found its home in the back of my neck, like a familiar friend. This buzz stayed throughout the remainder of my journey, humming when things got too frightening for common taste. I saw no sign of the familiar bloody brothers that would fill my time with riddles. I could not even see pot nor pans, which were often left in their wake after their most recent battles. The forest only cooed and hissed as I wound up the conversant path to Heart's Castle.

The front gate remained unguarded, the halls littered with dirty playing cards rather than the uniform Card Guards. My lady's pleasant throne room lay in waste, dirtied and smelling of old corpses. Her throne itself looked unused, the seat perky and well colored. I hardly wished to tear my eyes from it for fear of the monsters I would later swear to see in my peripherals creeping closer. Upon further investigation of the rest of the castle, I realized that the entire property was void of royals and court. Before I was given time to be truly terrified, I was pulled from my unpleasant dream and back into the now-beautiful reality.