Lost within memories

•Memories 10•

Takuya POV
It was summer.
Just pure heat. The dreadful hot sweaty heat.
But she somehow enjoyed the heat
"Takuyyyaaaa"
"Mm ? "
"Let's go to the pool !"
"It's too hot to be outside "
"Come on I'm borrreedddd"
"Hiyori it's too hot. You'll get burned and sweaty "
"Takuya it doesn't matter !! Lets have fun"
"Fine fine lets go then"
She excitedly went upstairs to go put on a purple and white striped bikini and she began to run down with my swim trunks and 2 towels. Once she handed my my trunks I walked into the bathroom and changed and came out to the backyard only to have a water balloon hit me straight onto my face.
"Heheh"
Just remembering the fun times we had just somehow put me in even more distress but I'm happy I at least got to spend fun moments with her. I walked out of my apartment only to bump into an old friend of Hiyori.
"Takuya-kun is that you ?!"
"Jessica ?"
"Takuya ! I haven't seen you at all !"
"Yeah"
"So how's it been ?"
"Good"
"Oh"
It was an awkward silence...
Somehow I felt my shoulders feeling heavy.
"Look I need to go "
I ran by quickly and just to see her turn around trying to go after me. Luckily I made it pass her.
Slowly step by step.
I look around me.
I was in a familiar place.
The book store.
Oh how she loved books.
"Takuya !"
"Hm ?"
"Let's go I wanna buy this book "
"What's it called "
"Beating heart "
"Sounds boring "
"To YOU it is ! But It's romantic. "
"Sure sure lets go"
She kissed my cheek
"Aisheteru Takuya !"
We went here when we had spare time.
Whether to read or to buy.
But it was a precious moment
I shake my head side to side to try to forget the memory.
It'll just hurt me more.
I walk away.
Why do I keep having memories.
Why can't I just forget her.
Why is it so hard to face the fact that your dead hiyori.
I looked up to the sky.
It's begun to rain.
Drops falling down my face onto my hair and skin.
I'm left soaking
"Why ?"
Because shes gone
"Why didn't you tell me ?"
Because she didn't trust you
"Did you not trust me ? "
No. she didn't love you enough
"Was I nothing to you "
Nothing at all
"Why do I miss you so much ?!"
BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER
"HIYORI ! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME !??"
BECAUSE SHE NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE
No ! That can't be. I love her she loved me
Right ?
She said she loved me.
"SHE SAID SHE LOVED ME AGGHH!"
I screamed and cried in pain as if I was stabbed in the heart. I felt my heart tear into even more pieces.
I was crouched down on the floor crying, sobbing , broken.....
was I losing my sanity ?
Perhaps you are
Hiyori where are you ?
Looking at your pathetic face
Is that really you ?
....
"Answer me !"
........
Was I making this all up in my mind
I got up and quickly made my way back to my apartment.
I can't handle this anymore.
I can't.
Can I ?
No. you can't
Yes I can
No you can't
Yes I can !
For hiyori !
For mother !
For me !
Next thing i know I did the most painful thing I couldn't do for some time.
See hiyori.
I dressed into some black jeans and a nice white button up. I put in some sneakers and grabbed my wallet and phone.
I walked out the door with my umbrella since it started to rain surprisingly.
I stopped by the flower shop. She loved daisies.
"Takuya- kun come her!"
"Hiyori calm down what is it ?"
"Ne ne look Takuya aren't they pretty ?"
I saw how her face was bright and paid the clerk without her noticing and just took them
"Takuya that's stealing !"
"Here for you hime-sama "
I saw here flush red
"That's cheesy but I like cheesy "
She said as she tipitoed to kiss my cheek
I pouted
"Mwoh ?! Here too !"
"Geez YOU act like a kid "
She gave me a peck but I wrapped my arms around her waist and pushed her closer makin the kiss deeper.
"I love you "
"I love you too takuya "
I felt a small tear slip but I instantly wiped it. I paid and left walking to the cemetery.
Each step I dreaded...

Within each step i took more tears fell down my face.. the more i hated the fact that i was living without her.,.. the more i thought about giving up...

I finally arrived at the entrance.. i never thought that id be doing this, since i thought we'd die old together.. but i guess not all dreams come true, even if we work hard enough for it..

I tightened my grip upon the flowers. 

My heartbeat began to quicken as i kept walking until i finally saw her grave. I walked slowly 

why am i still living ?

why am i still here ?

what is the purpose of me being alive ?

why am i alive ?

WITHOUT HER IM NOTHING !

 i finally got to her grave and fell on my knees and instantly the tears began to fall down my face.

"Hey love , H-How are you today? I miss you.. no matter what i can't seem to forget you.. i can't walk by a single place we've been without wanting to constantly cry. Hey baby, please don't be mad at me.. i wanted to come see you ,but i can't face the truth. You're the one i love. You're the only one i need in my life. You're my one and only, my partner in crime, y- you're my wife."

i sobbed much harder as i couldn't contain the load groans and cries..

"WHY WAS IT YOU !? WHY WASN'T ME ?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?! WHY DO  I HAVE TO SUFFER WITH THIS PAINFUL MEMORY OF WAKING UP AND FINDING YOU LAYING IN THE FLOOR ! WHY DO I HAVE TO ALWAYS HAVE MEMORIES WHEN I PASS BY A STUPID PLACE !? TELL ME WHY !!?"

Then i felt a hand on my shoulder.. there stood my mother 

"O-Oka-san?"

"Takuya, it's okay to cry.." 

she hugged me as i sobbed into her shoulder.. this was the comfort that i needed, that i wanted . 

"SHES GONE !" 

"shhh shhh it's okay takuya.. she knows you lover her and she loves you. she's told me many times how much she cares for you and how mush she wants you to be happy. 

I Felt my eyes droop and slowly darkness overtook me 

*

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"Takuya please don't cry..i love you forever and always." 

w-whos that ? the voice seems so familiar.. 

the smell.. she smells of sweet lavender 

just..just like hiyori.......

.............to be continued.............

A/N HEY GUYS HERES AN UPDATE SORRY IVE BEEN REALLY REALLY BUSY WITH SCHOOL SO I WONT BE ABLE TO UPDATE MUCH TILL BREAK.. LOVE YOU GUYS !